Pauley Perrette: Abby Sciuto

Doppelgänger

Abby Sciuto

Abby Sciuto: The only blood type at the scene was O-positive.
Caitlin Todd: Petty Officer Lambert's O-positive.
Abby Sciuto: It's the most common blood type there is. I shipped a DNA sample to the Armed Forces Registry.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Fingerprints we lifted his?
Abby Sciuto: [showing a positive match] Your missing corpse is Petty Officer Lambert.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Unidentified prints.
Abby Sciuto: I have not had time to run all the prints that you lifted yet.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Blood spatter analysis.
Abby Sciuto: Okay, Gibbs, I know you think I'm Supergirl... actually, my hair's more like Wonder Woman. Or Isis. Or the Powerpuff girl.
Caitlin Todd: I've always been partial to Xena.
Abby Sciuto: I don't know about her. No self-respecting superhero should wear open-toed shoes.
Caitlin Todd: Oh, I agree.

Abby Sciuto: This really sucks.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: I'll tell you what sucks. Working after school as a burnt potato chip picker.
Abby Sciuto: You're making that up.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: You ever seen a burnt potato chip in a bag of potato chips?
Abby Sciuto: Hmm. Now that you mention it...
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Sat next to a conveyor belt, air choked with oil, watching cooked potato chips fly by. I would pick out the burnt ones while trying not to get motion sickness.
Abby Sciuto: Incinerator operator. Burning medical waste at 2,000 degrees. Body parts, body waste.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Summer between freshman and sophomore year, I was a Port-a-Potty cleaner. It was the hottest summer on record.
Abby Sciuto: Ski lift operator, Alberta. Negative 44 degrees Fahrenheit.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Cleaned asbestos.
Abby Sciuto: Collected roadkill.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Tie?
[distracted, Abby doesn't respond]
Special Agent Timothy McGee: No? Okay. Before I joined NCIS...
Abby Sciuto: [turning his face to the monitor] Is that what I think it is?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Depends. What do you think it is?
Abby Sciuto: The reason Petty Officer Lambert faked his own murder.

Abby Sciuto: I have looked at 100,000 lines of code. Is it possible to die of boredom?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: No.
Abby Sciuto: How can you be sure?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Well, because I had Professor Bernbaum for economics. Believe me, his class makes staring at a monitor seem like Mardi Gras.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Petty Officer Lambert was part of the team that was updating the Navy's medical computer system. He'd been working on it almost two years.
Abby Sciuto: Did you tell him?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: No. Saved the best for you.
Abby Sciuto: Oh, thanks, McGee. You know how I relish the moments...
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Stop relishing and start explaning, Abby.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: The Navy writes a lot of prescriptions, so the amount that he was getting, it's no way it was for personal use.
Abby Sciuto: In the last five months, 18,000 Oxycontin, 12,000 Percocet, 9,000 Vicodin.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Legal price for an 80 milligram Oxycontin, six dollars.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Street price is $65 to $80.
Abby Sciuto: On the Oxycontin alone, he made a million bucks.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Cash.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Petty Officer Lambert is long gone.
Abby Sciuto: I would be.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: He erased his hard drive.
Abby Sciuto: No problem.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: He used a DOD-certified wipe program.
Abby Sciuto: Uh-oh.
Caitlin Todd: "Uh-oh" doesn't sound good.
Abby Sciuto: It's not. A DOD wipe not only deletes, but it overwrites seven times.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: There's no way to recapture the information, boss.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Why would he use something like that on his home computer?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Well, he's an information systems tech, and it could be just a matter or course, or he could be...
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Hiding something.

Abby Sciuto: Five months ago, Petty Officer Lambert buried a simple command in the program to send him drugs.
Timothy McGee: Lots of drugs.
Abby Sciuto: McGee!
Timothy McGee: Sorry.
Abby Sciuto: For every 337 prescriptions, one was written for him. It's ingenious in its simplicity.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What kind of drugs?
Timothy McGee: Painkillers. Percocet, Vicodin, Oxycontin.
Abby Sciuto: Oxycontin is twice as addictive as heroin. It's more addictive than pistachios.
[Odd looks from Gibbs and McGee]
Abby Sciuto: Well, have you ever just eaten one pistachio?
Timothy McGee: Yes...
[Promptly gets smacked on the back of the head by Gibbs]