David McCallum credited as playing...
Donald Mallard
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Do you know what a trocar is, Tony?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I'm guessing it's not an alien on "Star Trek"?
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: It's from the French, "trocart" -- three quarts. It's used to enter the abdominal cavity so that the lungs and other major organs can be drained of fluids.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Duck, we don't have time for stories on this one.
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Fine. But first I have a question: do you people find me... boring?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [speaking simultaneously with the others] No.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Of course not!
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Absolutely not.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: ...Can we get back to this now?
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Our major appears to be in perfect health.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Except for the part where he's dead.
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Yes the concentration of methanol confirmed my suspicions. The reason I was unable to determine the cause of death was because our Major was alive when they embalmed him!
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [performing an autopsy then Ducky jumps back in shock] Dear Lord! I believe I know how you died Major. May the Lord have mercy on your soul!
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Yes, I once saw a similar case in West Germany, where a young boy...
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Duck, we don't have time for stories on this one.
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Fine. But first
- [sighs]
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I'd like to ask a question. Do you people find me boring?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [overlapping voices] No. Of course not. Absolutely not.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Can we get back to this now?