Michael Weatherly credited as playing...
Anthony DiNozzo
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [talking to Tony after he killed an undercover cop] Tony, I'm not like you guys. You were trained as a cop. Gibbs was a Marine sniper. Kate protected the President of the United States. God only knows what Ziva did with Mossad. My background is biomedical engineering, and computer forensics. I don't think I'm cut out to be a field agent.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [trying to cheer McGee up] First time I shot at someone... I wet my pants.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Really?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Really... If you tell anyone that, I will slap you silly.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [to Ziva] You ever "Gibbs-slap" me again, David, and I will slap you back harder!
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So he shot him from behind the wheel.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Wrong, Boss!
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ziva, slap him.
- [Ziva gleefully smacks the back of DiNozzo's head]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It could be one of my offspring has a medical condition. Maybe they need an organ transplant.
- Officer Ziva David: [laughing] You - you who won't share a Krispy Kreme doughnut - you are going to give up a kidney?
- Officer Ziva David: [Tony asked if she misses the excitement of being a Mossad spy] You've seen too many James Bond movies. It's not all about car chases and sex.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It wasn't?
- Officer Ziva David: Well, there was a lot of sex.
- Officer Ziva David: McGee stumbled across something, misread it, and overreacted.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Not McGee. His brain's like a computer... It's scary. I'm sure proceedures and regs warp sped through his processor before he pulled the trigger.
- Officer Ziva David: It happened so fast... you don't have time to think.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We're talking about a guy who has protocols and checklists for brushing and flossing.
- [spelling his name to a secretary at the sperm bank]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Big "D", little "I", big "N", little "ozzo."
- Officer Ziva David: You sold your sperm?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Stop looking at me like that, I was a freshman in college.
- Officer Ziva David: There are little teenage DiNozzos running around somewhere? That's frightening.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I never thought about it, 'til this morning. I got a registered letter from the sperm bank telling me to contact them as soon as possible.
- Officer Ziva David: Why?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I don't know!
- [Ziva doubts whether McGee is telling the truth about what happened]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [leans in and whispers] McGee isn't Ari, and he isn't your father. He doesn't know how to lie.
- [walks away]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What did he say?
- Officer Ziva David: That we should keep looking.
- [Ziva reports that Halligan has already flown to Morocco]
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I killed a cop arresting a drug lord?
- [walks out]
- Officer Ziva David: His goose is cooked.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [glumly] You would get that one right.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Playing phone tag with the sperm bank.
- Officer Ziva David: You haven't found out what it's about yet?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, they're probably running low on their favorite fossil fuel, essence of DiNozzo.