Michael Weatherly credited as playing...
Anthony DiNozzo
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [holding a bag of money] This was found on these two boys in the cooler. It's counterfeit. It comes from a foreign government known to support terrorism. That makes you two dirtbags suspected enemy combatants under the Patriot Act. Tony, read them their rights. Put them on the first Navy transport to Gitmo.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You do not have the right to remain silent. You do not have the right to an attorney. One will not be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights you *don't* have?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How many numbers did he dial?
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Six.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: One more and bada-bing-bada-boom.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Lucky he wasn't phony savy.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Savy enough to wire three phones to the same number.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah. What if he used speed dial?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Quoting a memo] All agents, not working active cases, are to attend a sexual harassment lecture at the NCIS Human Resource Center at 0930 hours, today.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I can not sit through another one of those, I will shoot myself.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You mean they actually train you guys how to harass?
- [Gets a dirty look from Gibbs]
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Hey, I'm kidding, except for Tony.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The last time, Kate, I was only trying to get my seat belt on.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Right! Seat Belt.
- FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Thanks. You've all done a terrific job.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I feel like I just kissed my sister.
- Abby Sciuto: I didn't know you had a sister, Tony.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I don't. I was fantasizing.
- Abby Sciuto: I need music to do that.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Do we look like sexists?
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Ask me who's buried in Grant's tomb, it's a tougher question.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I did work for the Secret Service. We tend to get all hot and bothered over large sums of hundred dollar bills.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Is that what does it for you?
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What does it for me, Tony, is a mystery that you will never solve.