Harry Anderson: Judge Harry T. Stone

Heart of Stone

Judge Harry T. Stone

Harry Stone: Why didn't she just come to me instead of setting me up like that?
Roz Russell: Maybe she was so distraught she didn't realize she was hurting you in the process.
Harry Stone: Yeah, maybe.
Roz Russell: Or...
Harry Stone: Or?
Roz Russell: Your animal magnetism has been driving her insane for years. And in the presence of the beast, her libido exploded in a frezy of desire few of us will ever experience even once in our lifetimes.
Harry Stone: You got a big raise coming.

[Harry is mending fences between his ex-girlfriend and her estranged husband]
Harry Stone: Sheldon, you work hard, right?
Sheldon: Yeah.
Harry Stone: To make money, so she'll have things.
Sheldon: Yeah.
Harry Stone: So she'll have security, and she'll be proud of you.
Sheldon: Yeah!
Harry Stone: [to Leslie] And you hate his hours.
Leslie: Right!
Harry Stone: Because he's important to you, and you wish you were important to him.
Leslie: Yeah.
Harry Stone: And you miss him, and you wish he didn't have to work so hard.
Leslie: Yeah!
Harry Stone: So what we have here is a husband who wants his wife to have everything, and a wife who wants him more than anything he can give her. You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you two were in love.

Christine: Where's Judge Stone?
Leslie: He's, uh... out on the ledge.
Christine: Oh, please. You expect me to believe a municipal court judge is cowering out on a ledge?
Court Clerk MacIntosh 'Mac' Robinson: [gleefully] That's what he's doing, all right!
[out the window]
Court Clerk MacIntosh 'Mac' Robinson: Good evening, sir!
Harry Stone: Hi there, Mac. I suppose you're wondering why I'm naked out here on the ledge.
Court Clerk MacIntosh 'Mac' Robinson: Oh, no sir, no sir. I was wondering if I needed a flash.
[he raises a camera and snaps a shot]
Mario: [who's been fixing Harry's suit of armor] Judge, I got your codpiece ready... whoa, just in time!
Court Clerk MacIntosh 'Mac' Robinson: [offering the codpiece] Sir, you want to put on something more comfortable? Ha ha ha...
Harry Stone: You don't really have to enjoy this so much.
Court Clerk MacIntosh 'Mac' Robinson: Oh, yes I do, sir!

Harry Stone: [quickly] You see, after I found out she was married I tried to grab my clothes but they were thrown out the window, then I tried to grab my robe which was hanging on a scaffold, then my underwear got caught on a nail and then they blew away.
Bull Shannon: I hate when that happens.

Harry Stone: And, uh, Dan?
[behind Harry, Dan stops, arrested in the act of ducking out of the courtroom]
Harry Stone: If you are entertaining any thoughts about sneaking out, Bull has prepared a demonstration which I think will enlighten you.
[Roz places a bowling ball into Bull's hand. He slams his other hand down on it, crushing it to powder]
Dan Fielding: Your squish is my command.

[trying to explain to Leslie's husband about the confusion]
Harry Stone: And, and then this guy came in...
[turns to Dan]
Harry Stone: With a key that *Howdy Doody* did not give him!
Dan Fielding: Boy, this has been grand... but, uh, we have a clothing-optional RV show we have to get to.

Leslie: It was great to have somebody around that I could be nuts with. I could never do that with a lover.
Harry Stone: No. Lovers come and go, but a good friend is forever.
Leslie: Kiss me!
Harry Stone: You bet!
[Embrassing in a kiss ending on an a sigh]
Harry Stone: When did you have your tonsils out?
[They smile at each other, but before they can kiss again Harry stops]
Harry Stone: Hold on a second I mean we haven't seen eachother in years. I don't know where you've been, what you've been doing?
Leslie: Here's my resume.
[Handing him a folded piece of paper from her pocket]
Harry Stone: Good enough for me.
[He takes it, throwing it over his shoulder and kissing her again]