Sara Gilbert credited as playing...
Darlene Conner
- Darlene: [to Roseanne] But you know, this college thing is really hard for me too. I mean, I'm surrounded by all these rich kids that don't have to bust their ass because if they fail, their daddy's there to bail 'em out.
- Roseanne: Yeah well, your daddy can't bail you out, and my daddy couldn't bail me out, you know? But stuff like that, it just ends up making us stronger, Darlene.
- Roseanne: Darlene...
- Darlene: Oh, great. More yelling.
- Roseanne: No, there isn't gonna be any more yelling. First of all, I'm really glad that you're going to school and you know, getting an education like I never got because I got all lost in that love-and-peace crap of the sixties and then ten years later, I realized I should have listened to all those women who said, "Learn how to support yourself or you're gonna be screwed."
- Becky Conner-Healy: Shut up, Darlene!
- Darlene: Okay, who wants to teach Becky a new phrase? She knows "Shut up, Darlene" and "Do you have this in a larger size?"
- Dan Conner: [to Darlene] I'm sick and tired of your sarcastic comments about my house and my family.
- Darlene: Dad, I've been saying this kind of stuff since I could talk. Before that, I just pointed and laughed.
- Darlene: [after coming home] I'm probably the only person who can get off a smelly, crowded bus, and look back on that as the highlight of their day.
- Darlene: I'm all yours for the weekend, I didn't make any plans, and I'm wearing shoes that pinch to keep myself awake.