Jerry Seinfeld/David Bowie

"The Millennium" narrator: 1000 AD. All over the world, sharks greet the new millennium by swimming and eating things. This continues for several centuries. Meanwhile, on land, the Mongols invade China. And the Black Death sweeps Europe. Sharks are not affected by any of this. But, as the Middle Ages begin, suddenly we find that sharks keep doing the same stuff. Then, in 1454, Johannes Gutenberg perfects movable type printing. This leads to a flourishing of shark art and culture. Provided, "art and culture" mean "eating and swimming," and "flourishing" means "stay the same." You know, as it turns out, these water-breathing death tubes may not be the best way to relate a thousand years of history. Anyway, our bad!