Julia Louis-Dreyfus credited as playing...
Elaine Benes
- Elaine Benes: Do you believe in God?
- David Puddy: Yes.
- Elaine Benes: Oh! So you're pretty religious?
- David Puddy: I try.
- Elaine Benes: So is it a problem that I'm not really religious?
- David Puddy: Not for me.
- Elaine Benes: Why not?
- David Puddy: I'm not the one going to Hell.
- Elaine Benes: Here's one. I borrowed Puddy's car, and all the presets on his radio were Christian-rock stations.
- George Costanza: I like Christian rock. It's very positive. It's not like those real musicians who think they're so cool and hip.
- Elaine Benes: So you think that Puddy actually believes in something?
- Jerry Seinfeld: It's a used car. He probably never changed the presets.
- Elaine Benes: Yes, he is lazy.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Plus, he probably doesn't know how to program the buttons.
- Elaine Benes: Yes, he is dumb.
- Jerry Seinfeld: So you prefer dumb and lazy to religious?
- Elaine Benes: Dumb and lazy I understand.
- Elaine Benes: Well, I'm going to Hell.
- Jerry Seinfeld: That sounds about right. Hey, did you hear the one about the guy in Hell with the coffee and the donuts?
- Elaine Benes: Jerry, I'm not in the mood.
- George Costanza: [to the waitress] I'll have some coffee and a donut.
- Father Curtis: Let me see if I understand this. You're concerned that he isn't concerned that you're going to hell, and you feel that she's too bossy.
- David Puddy: Yes.
- Elaine: Yeah, that's right.
- Father Curtis: Well, oftentimes in cases of interfaith marriages, couples have difficulty...
- Elaine: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No one's getting married here.
- Father Curtis: You aren't?
- David Puddy: Naw.
- Father Curtis: Oh
- Elaine: We're just, you know, havin' a good time.
- Father Curtis: Oh. Well then it's simple. You're both going to hell.
- David Puddy: No way. This is BOGUS.
- Jerry: No no, he's pretending he's got gonorrhea so med students can diagnose it.
- Cosmo Kramer: And it's a waste of my talent. It's just a little burning. Mickey, he got bacterial meningitis.
- George Costanza: Well I guess there are no small diseases, only small actors.
- [Kramer, Elaine and Jerry laugh]
- George Costanza: Alright, that's it for me. goodnight everybody.
- [exits]
- Elaine: What was that?
- Jerry: Showmanship. George is trying to get out on a high note.
- David Puddy: Elaine, they forgot to deliver your paper today. Why don't you just take that one.
- Elaine Benes: But that belongs to Mr. potato guy. That's his.
- David Puddy: Come on, get it.
- Elaine Benes: Well if you want it, you get it.
- David Puddy: Sorry. Thou shalt not steal.
- Elaine Benes: Oh, but it's okay for me?
- David Puddy: What do you care? You know where you're going.