The Robbery

I'm a Seinfeld die-hard; I've seen some episodes a dozen times, can recite lines before they're said, etc. etc. But it took me a long time to warm to the show. I remember seeing this episode and one other when they first aired; they turned me off so much I didn't watch again for years because it all felt so incredibly stilted, slow, self-conscious, with unlikeable characters and a really horrible laugh track. And the stand-up routine, UGH. The writing is fine but, obviously, it took a while to get down the comic timing and hone the characters (especially Kramer), though I can't quite put my finger on which elements misfired the most and made/make it (still) so painful to watch. I can stand it now as a curiosity, but it's not really any better than I remember thinking of it the first time around. Kinda fun to see a show in development, but that's about it. It woulda been cool to see them do this exact script five years later, once they had it down - I bet it woulda been MUCH funnier. I think. Maybe.

Not that many people would think of making a stand-up routine about giving someone the finger, right? Well, Jerry Seinfeld does so in this episode's opening sequence, explaining how said gesture is ultimately pointless (giving the toe would be much bolder, in his opinion) and thus inducing the first of several laughs that will come over the course of 23 minutes.

This is the one where Kramer's idiocy fully manifests itself: having been asked to watch Jerry's apartment, he accidentally leaves the door open, allowing thieves to get in and steal the TV. The reactions to the event are among the best ever conceived for a comedy show: Jerry entering the apartment and turning on the television only to realize it's gone is funny; Kramer explaining what happened (he was distracted by The Bold and the Beautiful) is funnier; Jerry describing his hyper-safe lock and its only defect ("The door... must be CLOSED!") is genius; the final assertion about everyone's favorite goof-ball ("I'm human" "In your way") is a masterclass in sardonic humor.

But it's not just about Kramer: as usual, George and Elaine get their moment in the spotlight, especially in the second half of the episode, where the former competes with Jerry over getting a new apartment (cue a discussion about coin-flipping) and the latter decides to take the one of whomever loses (the scene where she refers to Jerry's place as "moving from Iceland to Finland" is the best Elaine moment of Season 1). This section also shows the first real glimpse of the series' ground-breaking "no hugging, no learning" mantra: no matter what happens, the characters always end each episode as shamelessly selfish and shallow as they were at the start, even when they come close to disrupting their friendship. This is confirmed by the perfectly timed, instantly memorable closing line, the delivery of which only constitutes further proof of how audacious Seinfeld was and still is.

Another flat opening monolog. Isn't it too early for this "comedy genius" to be bombing?

Maybe the episode itself will be funny. Nope, it wasn't.

Oh, and by the way, every "audience" has the same actors. See for yourselves.

Everyone is either a Jerry or a George. Kramer is 80% George 20% Jerry. Larry David is 65% Jerry 35% George. Tom Cruise is 95% Jerry. Elaine is 140% Jerry. George is 10% Jerry but Jerry is 0% George. My dad was a George but my mom was a Jerry. That was tough

Jerry's apartment is robbed and he feels he should look elsewhere. George has the perfect apartment but when he sees it, he wants it for himself. The problem is that by both of them being generous, they blow the whole thing.

Elaine is actually the one with the most to lose.