Jerry Seinfeld credited as playing...
Jerry Seinfeld
- George Costanza: Jerry, where'd you get that sweater?
- Jerry Seinfeld: What do you think? I found it in the back of my closet!
- George Costanza: I think that's what the back of closets are for.
- [last lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: My accountant actually did take a big chunk of money from me, and used it to buy drugs. And the thing that was hardest for me to comprehend about this, is the life choice of drug abuse and accounting. But, actually, it makes sense. Why would an athlete or musician take drugs? They have an interesting job. But an accountant? If ever a job required some hallucinogenic support, this is the job. That should be the legal defense. You're in court: "You're charged with possession of illegal narcotics." "But your honor, I'm an accountant." Bang! "Case closed. Bailiff, give this man his peyote buttons and tequila back, for the drive home. Sorry to bother you, sir, terribly sorry."
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: To me, government is basically parents for adults. Especially the IRS. The IRS is like Ward and June Cleaver, and we're all Wally and the Beaver. And your accountant is Eddie Haskell showing you all these neat tricks to get away with stuff. Which is fine unless you get audited. Then you don't want some wise guy in a suit, just standing there going: "You have a very lovely office here, sir." Because jail is the government's way of sending you to your room. And when you meet Whitey and Lumpy in the joint, there's really going to be something wrong with the Beaver.