Jerry Seinfeld credited as playing...
Jerry Seinfeld
- Jerry Seinfeld: Does she know?
- George Costanza: No.
- Jerry Seinfeld: How did it happen?
- George Costanza: I can't say.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Well why can't you say?
- George Costanza: Because I promised her.
- Jerry Seinfeld: I thought you just said she doesn't know.
- George Costanza: She doesn't.
- Jerry Seinfeld: So how can you promise her?
- George Costanza: Because she asked me to.
- Jerry Seinfeld: What is this, an Abbott and Costello routine?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Elaine, have you ever gone out with a bald man?
- Elaine Benes: No.
- Jerry Seinfeld: You know what that makes you? A baldist.
- Kramer: How often do you cut your toe nails?
- Jerry Seinfeld: I would say every two and a half to eight weeks.
- Kramer: 'cause the other night, you know, I was sleeping with Marion, I rolled over and I cut her ankle with my big toe.
- [last lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: A woman left me a message on my phone machine the other day with kind of a breathy voice, you know. No matter what a woman says, if it's in that breathy voice, you know, it... You have cancer. Really? Sounds pretty good. The stewardess could lean over and whisper in my ear, "Would you put on your seat belt? We're about to go into a mountain." I would go, "Really? So, what are you doing later by the ruptured remains of the fuselage? How about some peanuts over by the black box? Look, I'll meet you there."
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: The transplant, the hair plug, is an interesting procedure. It's really quite amazing. Hair that was on your shower soap yesterday, can be in your head tomorrow. How did they do the first transplant? Did they have the guy take a shower, get his soap, rush it in there by helicopter, you know, keep the soap alive on the soap-support system. And then eventually move it over? "We got the hairs, but... I think we lost the Zest." Sometimes the body rejects the transplant... with organs. Is it possible that a head could reject a hair transplant? The guy's just standing around somewhere, and "bink". Lands in someone's frozen yogurt.