Jerry Seinfeld credited as playing...
Jerry Seinfeld
- Elaine Benes: She gave it to charity.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Charity? That's appalling!
- George Costanza: How could anybody be so selfish and inconsiderate?
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: I have a friend that's about to get married. They're having the bachelor party and the bridal shower the same day. So it's conceivable that while she's getting lingerie, he'll be at a nude bar watching a table dancer in the same outfit. That is possible. But, to me, the difference between being single and being married is the form of government. When you're single, you are the dictator of your own life. I have complete power. When I give the order to fall asleep on the sofa with the TV on in the middle of the day, no one can overrule me. When you're married, you are part of a vast decision-making body. Before anything gets done, there are meetings. Committees have to study the situation, and this is if the marriage works. I think that's what's so painful about divorce. You've been impeached. You weren't even the president.
- [last lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: The handicapped parking spot is the mirage of the parking desert. Do you know that feeling? You see it, there in the distance. It's almost... And you can't believe your eyes. It's too good to be true. It's a big, wide spot, it's right by the entrance. Somehow, everybody missed it. What is the handicapped parking situation at the Special Olympics? They must have to just stack, like, 100 cars into those two spots. How else are they gonna do it?
- Jerry Seinfeld: What if we created some sort of a diversion? What if we went over by the car and we just started screaming "Hey, there he is! There's the guy who took the handicap spot." And then when they all run in the other direction, we'll jump in the car.