Jerry Seinfeld credited as playing...
Jerry Seinfeld
- Jerry: [Watching two paramedics fighting] All this over a Chuckle.
- Cosmo Kramer: What's a Chuckle?
- Jerry: It's a jelly candy, comes in five flavors.
- [first lines]
- Jerry: You know, I tell you, I gotta say that I'm enjoying adulthood for a lot of reasons, and I'll tell you reason number one. As an adult, if I want a cookie, I have a cookie, okay? I have three cookies or four cookies, or 11 cookies if I want. Many times, I will intentionally ruin my entire appetite. Just ruin it... and then I call my mother up right after to tell her that I did it. "Hello, Mom? Yeah, I just ruined my entire appetite. Cookies." So what if you ruin it? See, because as an adult, we understand even if you ruin an appetite, there's another appetite coming right behind it. There's no danger in running out of appetites. I've got millions of them. I ruin them whenever I want.
- [last lines]
- Jerry: I have a friend who's a hypochondriac. He always thinks he's sick, never is. Then you have another type of person, always thinks they're well no matter how bad they really are. You know this type of person? Very annoying. "Feel great! Like being on a respirator. Intravenous, heart/lung machine, I never felt better in my life." Medical science is making advances every day to control health problems. In fact, it's probably only a matter of time before a heart attack, you know, becomes like a headache. We'll just see people on TV going, "I had a heart attack this big, but I gave myself one of these... Clear! Boom... And it's gone!"
- Jerry: Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.