Jerry Seinfeld credited as playing...
Jerry Seinfeld
- George Costanza: I don't get these birds; they're breakin' the deal! It's like the pigeons decided to ignore me.
- Jerry Seinfeld: So they're like everyone else.
- Elaine Benes: I was sittin' there, making Cup-a-Soup, singing that song from The Lion King.
- Jerry Seinfeld: "Hakuna Matata"?
- Elaine Benes: [ashamedly] I thought I was alone.
- Jerry Seinfeld: That doesn't make it right.
- George Costanza: Miranda thinks I'm a butcher, but - it's not my fault, is it? Don't we have a deal with the pigeons?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Of course we have a deal: They get out of the way of our cars; we look the other way on the statue defecations.
- Jerry Seinfeld: See, to me, the "Hakuna Matata" is not nearly as embarrassing as the Cup-a-Soup.
- Elaine Benes: Would you just... let it go?
- Cosmo Kramer: Jerry, this is the set from the old Merv Griffin show. They must be throwing it out. This stuff belongs in the Smithsonian.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Or at least the dumpster behind the Smithsonian.
- George Costanza: [George and Jerry are seated as guests on "The Merv Griffin Show"] So, they're flying the tiny instruments in from El Paso.
- Cosmo Kramer: El Paso, I spent a month there one night.
- Newman: [laughing hard] El Paso!
- Jerry Seinfeld: What's he here for?
- Cosmo Kramer: He takes some of the pressure off of me. So Jerry what's going on with you? I understand there's a young lady in your life. Hmmm
- Jerry Seinfeld: Actually it's kind of a funny story.She has this amazing toy collection and last night I finally got to play with them.
- Cosmo Kramer: Well it sounds like things are progressing. Do I hear wedding bells?
- Newman: Are you married right now?
- [Kramer slaps Newman]
- Jerry Seinfeld: Actually she doesn't even know about the toys. I gave her the wrong kind of medicine and I guess she passed out.
- Cosmo Kramer: What do you mean "wrong kind of medicine"?
- Jerry Seinfeld: [to George] She's even got that old Mattel football game that we love.
- George Costanza: Ah come on! You got to get me over there!
- Cosmo Kramer: Wait a minute! You mean to say that you drugged a woman so you could take advantage of her toys?
- [to Newman]
- Cosmo Kramer: Could we pause a moment?
- [Newman turns on "commercial break music"]
- Cosmo Kramer: Jerry, now what you do with your personal life is your business but when your on my set, you clean it up mister!
- Newman: I told you he was a risk.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Oh like he's not just carrying you and has been for years!
- Newman: Yeah? Well you bombed! That story stunk worse than these chairs.
- [Kramer mediates]
- Cosmo Kramer: ["Commercial music" ends] Smile everyone we're back.
- Jerry Seinfeld: So Miranda's cooled on you?
- George Costanza: I'm gettin' nothin'!
- Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah, me neither.
- George Costanza: Really? I thought you and Celia were sleeping together.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, the sex is wild, but she's got this incredible toy collection and she won't let me near it!
- [entering Celia's apartment, Jerry admires her toy collection]
- Jerry Seinfeld: Where did you get all these?
- Celia: My dad was a collector. I inherited them after he died from a long, painful bout with -
- Jerry Seinfeld: SuperBall!