Julia Louis-Dreyfus credited as playing...
Elaine Benes
- [Elaine and Jerry are talking on the telephone]
- Elaine Benes: Hey, so Kramer's running for president of the condo?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah, it's all my father's doing. He wants to install Kramer in a puppet regime and then wield power from behind the scenes - preferably from the sauna in the clubhouse.
- Elaine Benes: [laughs] Who are they running against?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Common sense and a guy in a wheelchair.
- Elaine Benes: Oh, Mrs. Ross, Mr. Ross.
- Mrs. Ross: Oh, you're George's friend.
- Mr. Ross: We saw him in the city this weekend. What happened to his place in the Hamptons?
- Elaine Benes: [Elaine bursts out laughing and can't stop] The *Hamptons?* George Costanza? I -
- [laughs more]
- Elaine Benes: I don't think so!
- [continues laughing as she leaves]
- Elaine Benes: Have a good one.
- [Jerry is in Florida; Elaine is in his apartment, talking to him on the telephone. George enters the apartment]
- George Costanza: Jerry?
- Elaine Benes: He's still down with his folks.
- George Costanza: What are you doing here?
- Jerry Seinfeld: [worriedly] Elaine? *Elaine?*
- Elaine Benes: [ignoring Jerry] I'm gettin' his mail.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, no.
- George Costanza: He asked you to get the mail?
- Elaine Benes: Mm-hmm.
- George Costanza: [George grabs the phone from Elaine] Jerry, why is Elaine getting your mail?
- Jerry Seinfeld: George, listen to me. I have a very important job for you.... I want you to come by twice a day and flush the toilet so the gaskets don't dry out and leak.
- George Costanza: Well, what about the mail?
- Jerry Seinfeld: This is far more important. You *must* exercise the gaskets, George.
- George Costanza: All right, Jerry; I'll do it. See ya.
- [hangs up]
- Darryl: Did you hear that?
- Elaine Benes: What?
- Darryl: God, there are still people who have trouble with an interracial couple.
- Elaine Benes: [happily] Interracial? Us?
- Darryl: Isn't that unbelievable?
- Elaine Benes: Yes! It's awful! They're upset because we're an interracial couple.
- [chuckling]
- Elaine Benes: That is racism!
- Darryl: I don't feel like eating.
- Elaine Benes: Me neither - well, maybe this turkey club.
- [Elaine is apathetic about maintaining her relationship with Puddy]
- Jerry Seinfeld: Still no Puddy?
- Elaine Benes: Eh, I think his answering machine's broken, so I just gave up.
- George Costanza: So, ran into the Rosses again.
- Elaine Benes: Oh, right, at the coffee shop. Where did they get the idea that you have a place in the Hamptons?
- George Costanza: From me.
- Elaine Benes: What did you say?
- George Costanza: I told them I have a place in the Hamptons. What did *you* say?
- Elaine Benes: I told them you didn't. And I laughed and I laughed.
- [laughing]
- George Costanza: So they knew? Those liars!
- Elaine Benes: But, you lied first!
- George Costanza: [Angrily] Yeah, but they let me go on and on all about the Hamptons; they never said a thing! You don't let somebody lie when you know they're lying - you *call* them a liar!
- Elaine Benes: Like, "You're a liar."
- George Costanza: Yes! Thank you! Was that so hard?
- Elaine Benes: So is this over? Not over?... I'm bettin' "not over."
- George Costanza: Not by a long shot. I'm calling up the Rosses and inviting them out to my nonexistent place in the Hamptons. Then, we'll see who blinks first.
- Elaine Benes: Haven't you done enough to these people?
- George Costanza: This is not about them. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to exercise Jerry's gaskets.
- Darryl: So we're just a couple of white people?
- Elaine Benes: I guess.
- Darryl: Oh.
- Elaine Benes: Yeah. So, do you want to go to the Gap?
- Darryl: Sure.
- [Elaine can't figure out whether her new boyfriend is black. She's talking to Jerry on the telephone]
- Jerry Seinfeld: So, did you figure out Darryl's... you know?
- Elaine Benes: Nah, I've given up, so now we're going to a bunch of Spanish restaurants.... Figure that'll cover us either way.
- Jerry Seinfeld: You're a master of race relations.