Tim Allen credited as playing...
Tim Taylor
- Al: Colonel, allowing Tim to drive a tank well that's jeopardizing national security.
- Tim: Would you cut it out Al.
- Lt. Col. McDougal: Al you've got nothing to worry about, we've got 10,000 marines on the base to keep an eye on Tim.
- Al: It's not enough.
- Tim: Well congratulations, you've just did what most countries couldn't do, you got the Marines to retreat.
- Tim: I guess they wanted a few good men and one big wuss.
- Lt. Col. McDougal: Tim, if I remember correctly you were such a wimp, even the Cub Scouts wouldn't take you.
- Tim: Yeah, but the Girl Scouts loved me.
- Tim: What are the odds of me driving a tank again.
- Lt. Col. McDougal: About the same as Tool Time winning an Emmy.
- Tim: I don't want to brag. You know, but I was in my element, guys. Machines, marines, latrines, and lots and lots of beans.
- Jill Taylor: You're just upset because I drove the tank well.
- Tim: No, I'm upset because you driving it well made me look like an idiot.
- Jill Taylor: Well, even if I hadn't been there, you still would have driven like an idiot.
- Tim: I got thrown for a loop at the base, when I found out I was married to General George Patton. And I was Gomer Pyle. Shazam, shazam, shazam, Well, gollee, Sergeant Carter. Ha ha ha ha.