Jason Segel credited as playing...
Marshall Eriksen
- Marshall: No, it wasn't a cockroach. It hd fur, and only mammals have fur.
- Lily: It was a cockroach.
- Marshall: Come on, Lily, the only way that that was a cockroach is if it was wearing the skin of a mouse it just killed.
- Lily: [Both grimace] Oh, my God!
- [Drinks some of Barney's drink again]
- Barney Stinson: Oh, come on!
- Barney Stinson: [Mockingly] Marshall ran away from a cockroach.
- Marshall: It was a mouse!
- Barney Stinson: Oh yeah, sorry, my bad. You're a man.
- Lily: [Walking into the bar] Okay, it's back. And this time, we got a good look.
- [Takes Barney's drink and gulps it down]
- Barney: Hey! Seriously, you have to stop doing that!
- Marshall: It's bigger now. It's been feeding.
- Lily: We were just upstairs watching TV.
- [Flashes back to Marshall and Lily in the apartment; they see the creature in the corner]
- Lily: Okay, let's do this.
- [They grab a phone book and disinfectant spray, attacking the creature and springing back]
- Marshall: [Holding Lily as she squeals] Shh, shh, duh. It's okay. It's over.
- [Sees the phonebook start moving]
- Marshall: Oh, God!
- [They both run out of the apartment]
- Barney: [Back in the bar] So, did you get a good look at it?
- Lily: Yeah. It has six legs, a hard exoskeleton, like a roach.
- Marshall: *But* it had mouse-like characteristics. Grey-brown tufts of fur, a tail.
- Robin: So which is it, a cockroach or a mouse?
- Lily: [Dramatic pause] It's a cock-a-mouse.
- Robin: What?
- Lily: It's some sort of mutant combination of the two! It's as if a cockroach and a mouse, you know...
- Barney: Did the horizontal, ten-legged, interspecies cha-cha?
- Robin: That's impossible. That simply can't happen.
- Lily: Oh, but it can.
- Marshall: And it has.
- Lily: And it's *pissed*.
- Robin: [after Marshall captures the Cock-a-mouse and throws it out the window] It can fly.
- Robin, Marshall, Lily: Wow.
- Marshall: Be free, mutant beast. I'll miss this private war of ours. I grew to admire your tenacious... Oh, my God, it's headed this way!
- [Slams the window shut just in time for the Cock-a-mouse to smack into it]