Alyson Hannigan credited as playing...
Lily Aldrin
- Lily: A sword fight?
- Marshall, Ted: Sorry, Lily.
- Lily: On Monday, I'm gonna have to tell my kindergarten class, who I teach not to run with scissors, that my fiancé ran me through with a frickin' broadsword!
- Marshall: Well, just to be fair, it didn't go all the way through.
- Lily: I'm sorry, is this a discussion of the *degree* to which you *stabbed* me?
- Chinese Waitress: Hi, how many?
- [Sees Lily and Robin]
- Chinese Waitress: Lily!
- Lily: Yes, you know me?
- Chinese Waitress: Yeah, from your homecoming picture! You're much prettier in person!
- Lily: Yeah, I know, the bangs were a mistake. Where's my stuff?
- Chinese Waitress: Oh, it's all in the back. We could wrap it up for you. You want it to go?
- Lily: This is *my* apartment!
- Chinese Waitress: No anymore...
- Ted: [Back at the apartment] No way. You're making this up.
- Marshall: Yeah, the building would have had to give you some kind of notice.
- Chinese Waitress: [Back at the restaurant] They sent you a notice about this.
- Lily: When?
- Chinese Waitress: Three months ago.
- [Gives Lily a bag of stuff]
- Chinese Waitress: And here's your mail, minus magazines.
- [Tosses mail in the bag]
- Marshall: [Back at the apartment] Well, still, legally; they can't just toss you out on the street. You have a lease.
- Lily: [Back at the restaurant] Okay, so I didn't have a *written* lease, as such, but-but go ask my landlady, Mrs. Conroy.
- [Turns to Robin]
- Lily: She may be 98 years old, but she's still...
- [Realizes]
- Lily: She's dead, isn't she?
- Chinese Waitress: Never even saw the bus.
- Lily: OK, a toast.
- [Everyone lifts their cup]
- Lily: Life is full of changes. One day you have an apartment, the next day it's a house of dumplings. But the important stuff doesn't change. So, to the important stuff.
- Barney, Robin, Marshall, Ted: Here here. Cheers
- [Everyone clinks glasses]
- Barney: To the Lemon Law!
- [No raises a glass with Barney]
- Barney: Self-clink!
- [Barney toasts himself with another glass]
- Lily: [Entering the apartment] You guys will never believe what just happened to us.
- Robin: I don't even believe it myself.
- Lily: We were in Queens, and we decided to stop by my apartment.
- Daughter: [Back to present Ted and the kids] Wait, *her* apartment? I thought Aunt Lily lived with you and Uncle Marshall.
- Lily: [Back to the story] I could see how you would think that, but I have to have my own place. It's an independence thing.
- Robin: When was the last time you were there?
- Lily: Three months ago.
- [Robin laughs]
- Lily: What? It's like fat pants - you hope you never have to use them, but you're glad to know they're there.