Jerry Orbach credited as playing...
Detective Lennie Briscoe
- Detective Ed Green: People get around stars, they get stupid.
- Detective Lennie Briscoe: Waiting in line to see Madonna is stupid, this is a felony.
- Detective Ed Green: [checking Bender's financials] Damn, I wonder what a 200 dollar haircut looks like.
- Detective Lennie Briscoe: Kind of like a 400 dollar car-wash.
- Detective Lennie Briscoe: [arriving at crime scene, referring to Bender] What happened: someone got tired of his routine and jumped?
- Fred: [referring to Bender] You should have seen how he ate. Pizza, cheeseburger, leftover Chinese...
- Detective Lennie Briscoe: Something wrong with that?
- Fred: You're not funny.
- Detective Lennie Briscoe: All three of 'em have the same story.
- Lt. Anita Van Buren: That's what a large bank account gets you.
- [her phone rings]
- Lt. Anita Van Buren: Van Buren. You're sure? Thanks.
- [she hangs up]
- Lt. Anita Van Buren: Well, that makes us 0 for 4. Arson investigator says he can't conclude either way.
- Detective Lennie Briscoe: So this bastard's gonna walk?
- Detective Ed Green: [having entered the room] Uh, maybe not. I checked the web.
- Detective Lennie Briscoe: For what, millionaire perverts?
- Detective Ed Green: No, I Googled Sammy Morales. Don't ask. Now, his name was all over this one website, UpYourButt.net. Now, in a deposition from a civil suit against Monty Bender, he said...
- Lt. Anita Van Buren: Do I want to hear this?
- Detective Ed Green: ..."Monty touched my penis with his mouth."
- Lt. Anita Van Buren: The answer's no. Pick him up.
- Larry Miller: You don't go into comedy for the money, I can't speak for Monty but then again I can't drive a stick shift.
- Detective Lennie Briscoe: Now that's funny.
- Larry Miller: It wasn't supposed to be.