Larry Linville credited as playing...
Maj. Frank Burns
- Maj. Frank Burns: Everything we say here concerns the war!
- Hawkeye: Fine. I make a motion that the war be ended.
- Trapper: I second the motion.
- Maj. Frank Burns: You can't end the war just like that!
- Trapper: Of course you can! There's a motion. Let's vote on it.
- Hawkeye: You've all heard the motion. Those in favor, raise your right hands.
- All: [Nearly everyone raises their hands] Aye!
- Hawkeye: Those opposed?
- Maj. Frank Burns: [Frank and Margaret raise their hands] Nay!
- Hawkeye: The ayes have it. Let it be recorded that the war was ended on this date at 9:32 PM. Okay, last man to the unemployment office is a rotten egg.
- Lt. Colonel Henry Blake: Radar, will you call the roll, please?
- Trapper: Henry, are you kidding? We all know who's here.
- Maj. Frank Burns: Regulations require it.
- Lt. Colonel Henry Blake: Well, I can see that. I mean it could be that some of us aren't all here.
- Hawkeye: I move that we take the roll. And if somebody's not here, he's probably someplace else, in which case the record should show it. Unless of course the person making the record isn't here.
- Hawkeye: Wait, hold it, wait a minute. We didn't hear Frank's answer. We don't know if he's here.
- Maj. Frank Burns: Of course I'm here!
- Trapper: Regulations, Frank.
- Lt. Colonel Henry Blake: Radar.
- Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly: Here, sir.
- Lt. Colonel Henry Blake: No. Ask Frank over there if he's here.
- Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly: Oh, yes, sir. Major Frank Burns?
- Maj. Frank Burns: [tensely] Here.