Larry Linville credited as playing...
Maj. Frank Burns
- Maj. Frank Burns: I really wasn't expecting more wounded! General MacArthur said the fighting would be over by Christmas.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Yeah, but he didn't say what year.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Actually, he was referring to the fighting between himself and Mrs. MacArthur. She's got an entirely different idea on how the war should be run.
- Maj. Frank Burns: This is not a war. It's a police action.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: If it's a police action, why didn't they send cops?
- Maj. Frank Burns: I, for one, am glad the Chinese have finally gotten into the show. We'll obliterate them all.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: All 600 million, Frank?
- Maj. Frank Burns: Well, most of 'em don't wanna be Reds anyway.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Then why kill 'em?
- Maj. Frank Burns: Well, they can't have it both ways.
- Maj. Frank Burns: The laundry is on fire.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: I was wondering when things would get interesting.