Mike Farrell credited as playing...
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt
- Father Mulcahy: [singing] A chaplain in the Army has a collar on his neck. If you don't listen to him, you'll all wind up in heck.
- Everybody: Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee, Mom, I wanna go home.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: Oh, the surgeons in the Army, they say we're mighty bright. We work on soldiers through the day and nurses through the night.
- Everybody: Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Friendships in the army, they say are mighty rare. So I spend all my free time carousing with my mare.
- Everybody: Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.
- Nurses: The surgeons in the army, their brains they are profound. But we'll take chopper pilots, they'll get you off the ground.
- Everybody: Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: The corporals in the army, ya say we're really green. But if it weren't for us guys you'd be in the latrine.
- Everybody: Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.
- Klinger: Oh, some guys like the Army. I think that it's a mess. If it's so damn terrific, how come I wear a dress?
- Everybody: Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.
- Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan: The nurses in the army, they haven't tied the knot. But this one's gonna try it with Donald Penobscott.
- Everybody: Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go. But they won't let me go. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Let's all try to get along.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: Get along little doggie.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: I had a long little doggie once. It was a dachshund.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: Oh a little hot dog, what happened to him?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: He got mustered out.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: I relish these conversations.
- Hawkeye: [the movie projector goes out once again] Don't blame Klinger. It's an Army projector.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: It's supposed to break down every five minutes.
- Hawkeye: Like the peace talks.