Gary Burghoff credited as playing...
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: What kind of day did I have at the office, Radar?
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: Uh, sir, while you were in the O.R., you took care of the strength report, completed the DD-5, uh, series A through C, and you ordered a new autoclave.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: It's amazing how much I can get done without even showing up. Thank you, son.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Oh, uh, yes, sir. There's one other thing. When you were reachin' for the phone, you knocked over your wife's picture, and you broke the glass.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: It's okay. I'm sure I didn't mean to.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: [dictating a letter] "Therefore, I firmly believe that Lieutenant Colonel Lacy's record should be reviewed with the possibility of reassigning him to a noncombat position." You got all that, Radar?
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: Uh, all the words, sir. Later I'll put 'em in the right order.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Be sure you do.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Send in the boogie-woogie bugle beak.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: [to Klinger] He wants to talk to you.
- Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger: [Klinger enters, holding a dead chicken] Foo-raka-saki.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: Same to you.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Now, listen, Klinger. I've had enough of this.
- Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger: Chuck-a, chuck-a, floy-doy.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: So help me, you give one more doy-floy...
- Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger: Floy-doy.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Do you hear me?
- Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger: I'm in a trance.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: All right. That's it.
- Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger: I'm telling the spirits to put your soul in a half-nelson.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Klinger, you want a curse? I'll give you a curse. You've got guard duty and K.P. till further notice, starting right now.
- Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger: Aw, sir...
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Boogie-woogie!
- Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger: I'm going, I'm going! How come when YOU say it, it works?
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: [pointing to his colonel hat] Because MY bird is more powerful than your bird.