Larry Linville credited as playing...
Maj. Frank Burns
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: You ever been afraid to go to sleep at night, Frank?
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: Of course not.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Even as a kid?
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: Well, I had a Popeye night light when I was little. My dad took it away. He said it was dark 12 hours out of every 24 and he wouldn't put up with a son who was a coward half the time.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: He took away your night light?
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: Well, it was no big deal. There's nothing in the dark that's not there in the light.
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: I need to unwind too. I'm as taut as a watch spring.
- Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan: Your state of tautness is no longer a concern of mine, Major Burns. I happen to be an engaged person.