Gary Burghoff credited as playing...
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly
- [the Nurses Triage Training Program commences]
- Major Charles Winchester: [to the nurses] Triage is a French word from the verb "Trier", meaning to sift or separate. There are three priorities: Those who need care at once in order to be saved, those who can wait, and those who are beyond hope.
- Major Margaret Houlihan: They know what triage is, Major.
- Major Charles Winchester: If you wish to heckle, Major Houlihan, please go to a nightclub.
- Major Margaret Houlihan: Just get on with it, will you?
- [Charles, Margaret, and the nurses walks to Klinger]
- Major Charles Winchester: Here we have a head injury.
- Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger: A lily dache head injury.
- Major Charles Winchester: The patient is obviously delirious, indicating a possible Subdural Hematoma. Priority...
- Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger: First, right?
- Major Charles Winchester: I did not ask the patient. Priority... first.
- Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger: See? I knew I was right.
- Major Charles Winchester: Next.
- [the class then walks over to Radar]
- Major Charles Winchester: From the patient's rigid condition, we might assume that he is in an advance state of shock. However, there is no apparent injury. He merely complains that his left shoulder hurts.
- Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly: Uh, yeah, my left shoulder hurts.
- Major Charles Winchester: We are puzzled by this. On further examination, we observe a purple area over the left quadrant upper. Blunt trauma. Possible ruptured spleen. Moral: Never be fooled.