Frank McGrath credited as playing...
Charlie Wooster
- Flint McCullough: [He pats Charlie on the back] Oh, this isn't Major Adams.
- Charlie Wooster: No, I ain't old enough and I ain't fat enough.
- Victoria: I'm Victoria.
- Flint McCullough: Victoria?
- Victoria: Victoria and her Redheads.
- Charlie Wooster: These aren't your sisters?
- Victoria: No, they're my act. We're singers. We performed at the New Orleans Opera House last year. And we'll be at the Denver Opera later in the season.
- Charlie Wooster: I've always loved opera.
- Flint McCullough: Since when?
- Charlie Wooster: Since right now.
- Flint McCullough: Stop drooling, Charlie.
- Charlie Wooster: I ain't drooling. I'm just window shopping. Always like redheads.
- Flint McCullough: Don't stop now. Never thought I'd hear Strauss out here.
- Victoria: You know Strauss music?
- Flint McCullough: My favourite composer.
- Charlie Wooster: Since when?
- Flint McCullough: Since right now.
- Charlie Wooster: Don't you think we ought to feed the patient before you start singing.
- Charlie Wooster: Did you ever hear of Christmas in August?
- Flint McCullough: No, is that what it is.
- Charlie Wooster: If you don't believe it, stick your head out and see what Santa Claus sent our way right now. See, what did I tell ya? Merry Christmas.
- Flint McCullough: [They watch as a wagon full of a bevy of pretty young ladies drive up. Flint and Charlie grin like smitten idiots at the talent] Merry Christmas.
- Charlie Wooster: The Major promised me there wouldn't be any Apaches up this far.
- Flint McCullough: I don't think they asked his permission.
- Charlie Wooster: Mmm. Apaches. Ooh.
- Bill Hawks: Why don't you try to be brave like the rest of us?
- Charlie Wooster: Yeah, it's easy for you to say, you don't have as much to lose as I do. Your scalp don't cover your whole face.
- Flint McCullough: Charlie, where's the fellow that stopped a thousand Indians singlehanded?
- Charlie Wooster: Any time you say the word, Mr McCullough, we'll roll.
- Flint McCullough: Very well, Mr Wooster.
- Major Seth Adams: He's in charge?
- Charlie Wooster: When you left this wagon train, you left him in charge. I hearded it with my own ears.
- Major Seth Adams: Well, is it all right with you two if I just sorta tagged along?
- Flint McCullough: As long as you stay with the group and don't ride off with the soldiers.
- Major Seth Adams: Yes, Sir.
- Flint McCullough: WAGONS HO!
- Flint McCullough: There are hundreds of people on this train who depend on YOU. You've got no right to go out and play soldier and take a chance at getting killed.
- Charlie Wooster: That's right, Flint.
- Major Seth Adams: Well, I didn't get myself killed, did I?
- Charlie Wooster: Wasn't your fault you didn't.
- Major Seth Adams: You talk too much.
- Flint McCullough: Major Adams, you've laid down the certain rules by which you want this wagon train run. I want to inform you that you've broken most of them today... What we don't need around here is a dead hero.
- Charlie Wooster: I think I've seen him somewhere.
- Flint McCullough: I thought the same thing when I first looked at him. Then I realised it was just a look.
- Charlie Wooster: A look?
- Flint McCullough: Yeah. He has the look on his face of a man who is lost.