Bradley Whitford: Josh Lyman

Pilot

Josh Lyman

[discussing a large group of Cubans currently floating from Havana to Miami on rafts]
Leo McGarry: How many are there?
Josh Lyman: We don't know.
Leo McGarry: What time exactly did they leave?
Josh Lyman: We don't know.
Leo McGarry: Do we know when they get here?
Josh Lyman: No.
Leo McGarry: True or false: If I were to stand on high ground in Key West with a good pair of binoculars, I'd be as informed as I am right now.
Josh Lyman: That's true.
Leo McGarry: The Intelligence budget's money well spent.

John Van Dyke: The First Commandment says "Honor thy father."
Toby Ziegler: No it doesn't.
Josh Lyman: Toby...
Toby Ziegler: It doesn't!
Josh Lyman: Listen...
Toby Ziegler: No! If I'm going to make you sit through this preposterous exercise, we're going to get the names of the damn commandments right.
Mary Marsh: Okay. Here we go.
Toby Ziegler: "Honor thy father" is the Third Commandment.
John Van Dyke: Then what's the First Commandment?
President Josiah Bartlet: "I am the Lord your God. Thou shalt worship no other god before me." Boy, those were the days, huh?

Josh Lyman: Look, I already took Leo's morning beating. What do you want from me?
Toby Ziegler: I want you to keep your job.
Josh Lyman: How?
Toby Ziegler: I'm gonna make a suggestion, which might help you out, but I don't want this gesture to be mistaken for an indication that I like you.
Josh Lyman: I understand.

Mary Marsh: School prayer, pornography, condoms - what's it gonna be?
Toby Ziegler: We're not prepared to make any sort of a deal right now.
Josh Lyman: Sure we are. M-Mary, I...
Mary Marsh: My read of the landscape is that you're cleaning out your desk before the end of business today, so I'd just as soon negotiate with Toby if it's all the same to you.
Rev. Al Caldwell: Mary...
Mary Marsh: Please allow me to work.
[turning to Josh]
Mary Marsh: It was only a matter of time with you, Josh. That New York sense of humor was just a little...
Rev. Al Caldwell: Mary, there's no need to...
Mary Marsh: Reverend, please! They think they're so much smarter! They think it's smart talk, but nobody else does.
Josh Lyman: I'm actually from Connecticut. But that's neither here nor there; the point is, Mary, I...
Toby Ziegler: She meant "Jewish."
[heavy silence]
Toby Ziegler: When she said "New York sense of humor." She was talking about you and me.
Josh Lyman: You know what, Toby, let's not even go there.
Rev. Al Caldwell: There's been an apology. Let's move on.
John Van Dyke: I'd like to discuss why we hear so much talk about the First Amendment coming out of this building but no talk at all about the First Commandment.
Mary Marsh: I don't like what I've just been accused of.
Toby Ziegler: I'm afraid that's just tough, Mrs. Marsh!