Richard Schiff credited as playing...
Toby Ziegler
- [the Senior Staff are playing a pick-up basketball game with the President]
- Josh Lyman: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Who's this?
- President Josiah Bartlet: I'm making a substitution.
- Toby Ziegler: Who is this guy?
- President Josiah Bartlet: Mr. Grant's a new member of my team.
- Toby Ziegler: A ringer, perhaps?
- President Josiah Bartlet: Mr. Grant is a federal employee.
- [Mr. Grant is played by real-life NBA forward Juwan Howard]
- Toby Ziegler: You know the thing about you, Mr. President? It isn't so much that you cheat. It's how brazenly bad you are at it.
- President Josiah Bartlet: I beg your pardon?
- Josh Lyman: Toby's got a point there, sir.
- President Josiah Bartlet: When have I ever cheated?
- Toby Ziegler: Up in Florida, playing mixed doubles with me and C.J. You tried to tell us that your partner worked at the American consulate in Vienna.
- President Josiah Bartlet: And she did.
- Toby Ziegler: It was Steffi Graf, sir.
- President Josiah Bartlet: Well, I will admit that the woman bore a striking resemblance...
- Toby Ziegler: It was Steffi Graf, you crazy lunatic! You think I'm not going to recognize Steffi Graf when she's serving a tennis ball at me?
- Toby Ziegler: ...If I were an actor or a writer or uh, uh, uh, a producer in Hollywood and someone were to start coming at me with lists of things that were American and un-American I'd start to think that this was sounding eerily familiar.
- President Josiah Bartlet: Do I look like Joe McCarthy to you, Toby?
- Toby Ziegler: No, sir. Nobody ever looks like Joe McCarthy. That's how they get in the door in the first place.
- Leo McGarry: Andrew Jackson, in the main foyer of his White House had a big block of cheese.
- Toby Ziegler: Huh.
- Leo McGarry: I am making a mental list of those who are snickering, and even as I speak I am preparing appropriate retribution. The block of cheese was huge - over two tons. And it was there for any and all who might be hungry.
- Toby Ziegler: Leo, wouldn't this time be better spent plotting a war against a country that can't possibly defend itself against us?
- Leo McGarry: We can do that later, Toby. Right now I'm talking about President Andrew Jackson.
- Sam Seaborn: Actually, right now, you're talking about a big block of cheese.
- Leo McGarry: And Sam goes on my list!
- Sam Seaborn: And what about Toby?
- Leo McGarry: I'm unpredictable. Jackson wanted the White House to belong to the people, so from time to time, he opened his doors to those who wished an audience.
- Mandy Hampton: And then he locked the doors behind them and made them eat two tons of cheese.