Larry Linville credited as playing...
Maj. Frank Burns
- Frank Burns: Listen, Pierce, why don't you and I go out on the town tonight, hmm?
- Hawkeye: Well, this is so sudden, Frank, I don't have anything to wear.
- Frank Burns: Well, I mean, get a couple of nurses, go over to Rosie's bar, have a little fun.
- Hawkeye: Sounds good to me.
- Frank Burns: There's this little redheaded nurse who's had her eye on me. And tonight her wish will come true.
- Margaret: Do you mean that new girl with the freckles on her nose?
- Frank Burns: Yes, that's the one.
- Margaret: She's a little young for you, isn't she, Major Burns?
- Frank Burns: Oh, I don't know. I thought a little youth might be nice for a change.
- Frank Burns: [on the telephone to his mother] Well, you see, I had this friend. And this friend just pretended to like me. You know, the way dad used to?
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: The convoy just took a direct hit.
- Margaret: [miffed] If you'll excuse me, I'll just go finish my letter.
- Hawkeye: You need any help holding up your pen?
- Frank Burns: We got her on that one, didn't we?
- [He, Hawkeye and B.J. laugh]
- Frank Burns: What does he got that I haven't got?
- Margaret: Lips.
- Frank Burns: ...Lips aren't everything!
- Frank Burns: You disgust me!
- Hawkeye: You're right! I disgust you. I discussed you with everyone you know and they all think you're disgusting.