Yeardley Smith credited as playing...
Lisa Simpson • Connie Appleseed • Becky Thatcher
- [the Simpsons are on a wagon train in the Old West]
- Homer: [singing] Cleaning my gun with the safety off, safety off, safety off, cleaning my gun with the...
- [gun goes off, killing a buffalo]
- Homer: Whoopsie.
- Lisa: Dad, you just killed a poor, defenseless buffalo!
- Homer: A poor, *delicious* buffalo. He'll be dinner for the whole wagon train.
- [shoots another buffalo]
- Lisa: Why'd you kill another one?
- Homer: Dessert.
- Bart Simpson: [the hobo finishes his Paul Bunyan story] Boy, that story had everything. A giant, house crushing, a meteor...
- Marge Simpson: Townspeople.
- Lisa: Got any more tall tales?
- Hobo: Well, I suppose I could spin ya a few more yarns. But first, who wants to give me a sponge bath? I'm filthy.
- Homer: [the family exchange looks with each other] All right. But your next story better be worth it.
- Hobo: [lifting his leg] Get in there good. Yeah, that's it. Don't be shy. There you go.
- Connie Appleseed: Why is it we have ladders that can put a man on the roof but we can't find a renewable source of food? Think, Connie. Think.
- Moleman: Connie.
- Connie Appleseed: Wha...
- Moleman: Connie.
- Connie Appleseed: [thinking it's the tree talking] That tree! It seems to be calling to me.
- [running up to it]
- Connie Appleseed: Of course! Apples!
- Moleman: [farther ahead, sinking into quicksand] No, Connie, over here! Help me!
- Connie Appleseed: I don't want anything to do with this wagon train of death. Either switch to apples, or go on without me. Hmph!
- [she sticks her nose in the air; with the crack of a whip, the wagon leaves without her]
- Connie Appleseed: [throwing an apple] You'll be sorry!
- [the apple landing and a buffalo braying are heard, followed by the thud of its body hitting the ground]
- Hobo: [narrating his Connie Appleseed story] With the buffalo gone, the starving settlers were driven to cannibalism.
- Chief Wiggum: [drawing wishbones] You're the fattest, Bufflekill. Okay, everybody, dig in!
- [Homer shrieks as they all advance on him]
- Connie Appleseed: Stop! I've got apples! Delicious, nutritious apples. And there's enough for everyone.
- Additional Voices: [Sideshow Mel, taking a bite] Sweet!
- [taking another bite]
- Additional Voices: It's like a hootenanny in my mouth!
- Principal Skinner: We're saved!
- Ned Flanders: It's a miracle!
- Carl: Hurray for Connie Bufflekill!
- Moe Szyslak: [sticking his head out from under Homer's coat] What? So now we're not eating Homer?