Hank Azaria credited as playing...
Cletus • Professor Frink • Roger Meyers Jr. • Radio Voice #2 • Helicopter Pilot • Park Manager • Waiter • Costumed Man #1 • Roger Meyers Story Narrator • Costumed Man #3 • Control Room Guy #1 • Park Announcer • German Officer • French Ticket Man
- [at Itchy & Scratchy Land]
- Park Announcer: Attention, Marge Simpson. Your son has been arrested.
- Woman: I'd be terribly embarrassed if I was that boy's mother.
- Marge: Mmmmm...
- Park Announcer: Attention, Marge Simpson. We've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son.
- Marge: Mmmmmmm...
- Helicopter Pilot: We are now approaching our final destination, Itchy and Scratchy Land. The amusement park of the future where nothing can "possa-bly" go wrong. Uh, possibly go wrong. That's the first thing that's ever gone wrong.
- Euro-Itchy and Scratchy Land Ticket Attendant: Hello? Itchy & Scratchy Land, open for business! Who are you to resist it, huh? Come on, my last paycheck bounced! My children need wine!
- Park Manager: There's no need to murmur, ma'am. Here at Itchy and Scratchy Land, we're just as concerned with violence as you are. That's why we're always careful to show the consequences of deadly mayhem, so that we may educate as well as horrify.
- Marge: When do you show the consequences? On TV, that mouse pulled out that cat's lungs and played them like a bagpipe, but in the next scene, the cat was breathing comfortably.
- Park Manager: Just like in real life.
- Bart: [while browsing the park's gift shop] Look at all this great stuff, Lise. Cool, personalized plates!
- [looking for one with his name]
- Bart: Barclay, Barry, Bert... Bort? Aw, come on. Bort?
- Boy: [runs up to the stall] Mommy, Mommy! Buy me a license plate!
- Mother: [grabs his arm] No, come along, Bort.
- Man: [turns around in surprise] Are you talking to me?
- Mother: No, my son is also named Bort.
- Control Room Guy #1: Mop-and-bucket man to the exit of the Nauseator.
- Control Room Guy #2: We have another jumper on the roof of T.G.I. McScratchy's.
- Control Room Guy #3: We need more Bort license plates in the gift shop - I repeat, we are sold out of Bort license plates!
- [Bart notices an actor in an Itchy costume capering and waving to guests]
- Bart: So, Mr. Itchy, you think you're God's gift to women, do you?
- Lisa Simpson: Don't do it, Bart.
- [Bart pulls a stink bomb from his "Li'l Bastard Traveling Kit" and slingshots it straight into "Itchy"'s mouth]
- Man in Itchy Costume: [choking in horror] I just wanted to entertain!
- [Bart laughs as he runs away]
- Bart: Can you believe I keep getting away with this...
- [a uniformed man puts a hand on his shoulder]
- Bart: uh, officer?