Colin Farrell credited as playing...
Ray
- Ray: Harry, I've got an idea.
- Harry: What?
- Ray: My room faces out the canal, right? I'm going to go back to me room, jump into the canal, see if I can swim to the other side and escape.
- Harry: All right.
- Ray: If you go outside around the corner, you can shoot at me from there and try to get me. That way we'll leave this lady and her baby out of the whole entire thing.
- Harry: You completely promise to jump into the canal? I don't want to run out there, come back in ten minutes, and find you fucking hiding in a cupboard.
- Ray: I completely promise, Harry. I'm not going to risk having another little kid dying on me.
- Harry: So, hang on - I go outside and I go which way? Right or left?
- Ray: [upset] You go right, don't you? You can see it from the doorway! It's a big fucking canal!
- Harry: All right. Jesus. I only just got here, haven't I? Okay, on the count of one, two, three, go. Okay?
- Ray: Okay.
- [long pause]
- Ray: What? Who says it?
- Harry: Well you say it.
- Marie: You people are crazy.
- [last lines]
- Ray: There's a Christmas tree somewhere in London with a bunch of presents underneath it that'll never be opened. And I thought, if I survive all of this, I'd go to that house, apologize to the mother there, and accept whatever punishment she chose for me. Prison... death... didn't matter. Because at least in prison and at least in death, you know, I wouldn't be in fuckin' Bruges. But then, like a flash, it came to me. And I realized, fuck man, maybe that's what hell is: the entire rest of eternity spent in fuckin' Bruges. And I really really hoped I wouldn't die. I really really hoped I wouldn't die.
- Ken: Coming up?
- Ray: What's up there?
- Ken: The view.
- Ray: The view of what? The view of down here? I can see that down here.
- Ken: Ray, you are about the worst tourist in the whole world.
- Ray: Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn't, so it doesn't.
- Ken: [Ray walks into the bar high on cocaine] How'd your date go?
- Ray: My date involved two instances of extreme violence, one instance of her hand on my cock and my finger up her thing which lasted all too briefly - isn't that always the way? - , one instance of me stealing five grams of very high-quality cocaine and one instance of me blinding a poofy little skinhead: so all in all... my evening pretty much balanced out, fine.
- Ken: What the fuck are you doing, Ray?
- Ray: What the fuck are 'you' doing?
- [Ken sticks pistol behind his back]
- Ken: Nothing.
- Ray: Oh, my God... you were gonna kill me.
- Ken: No, I wa - You were gonna kill yourself!
- Ray: Well... I'm allowed.
- Ken: No, you're not!
- Ray: What? I'm not allowed, and you are? How's that fair?
- Chloë: So what do you do, Raymond?
- Ray: I... shoot people for money.
- Chloë: [smiling] What kinds of people?
- Ray: Priests, children... you know, the usual.
- Chloë: Is there a lot of money to be made in that business?
- Ray: There is for priests. There isn't for children. So what is it you do, Chloë?
- Chloë: I sell cocaine and heroin to Belgian film crews.
- Ray: Do you?
- Chloë: Do I look like I do?
- Ray: You do, actually. Do I... look like I shoot people?
- Chloë: No. Just children.
- Ray: [beating a tourist that he believes to be American] That's for John Lennon, you Yankee fuckin' cunt!
- Overweight Man: Been to the top of the tower?
- Ray: Yeah... yeah, it's rubbish.
- Overweight Man: It is? The guide book says it's a must see.
- Ray: Well you lot ain't going up there.
- Overweight Man: Pardon me? Why?
- Ray: I mean, it's all winding stairs. I'm not being funny.
- Overweight Man: What exactly are you trying to say?
- Ray: What exactly am I trying to say? You's a bunch of fuckin' elephants.
- [overweight man attempts to chase Ray around but quickly grows tired]
- Ray: Come on, leave it fatty!
- [the overweight women calm down the overweight man]
- Overweight Woman #2: [to Ray] You know you're just the rudest man. The rudest man!
- Ken: [coming back from the tower] What's all that about?
- [Ray shrugs]
- Ken: They're not going up there.
- [to overweight family]
- Ken: Hey, guys. I wouldn't go up there. It's really narrow.
- Overweight Woman #2: Screw you, motherfucker!
- Ken: [to Ray] What was that about?
- Ray: [shrugs]
- Chloë: There's never been a classic movie made in Bruges until now.
- Ray: Of course there hasn't. It's a shithole.
- Chloë: Bruges is my home town, Ray.
- Ray: Well, it's still a shithole.
- Chloë: It's not a shithole!
- Ray: What? Even midgets have to take drugs to stick it.
- Chloë: Okay. So, you've insulted my home town. You were doing really well, Raymond. Why don't you tell me some Belgium jokes while you're at it?
- Ray: Don't know any Belgium jokes, and if I did I think I'd have the good sense not to... hang on. Is Belgium with all those child abuse murders lately? I do know a Belgium joke. What's Belgium famous for? Chocolates and child abuse, and they only invented the chocolates to get to the kids.
- [Ray sees Chloë's shocked expression]
- Ray: What?
- Chloë: One of the girls they murdered was a friend of mine.
- Ray: [after a long pause, feeling bad] I'm sorry, Chloë.
- Chloë: One of the girls they murdered wasn't a friend of mine. I just wanted to make you feel bad. And it worked! Quite well.
- Ken: [looking at a surreal Bosch painting] It's Judgment Day, you know?
- Ray: No. What's that then?
- Ken: Well, it's, you know, the final day on Earth, when mankind will be judged for the crimes they've committed and that.
- Ray: Oh. And see who gets into heaven and who gets into hell and all that.
- Ken: Yeah. And what's the other place?
- Ray: Purgatory.
- Ken: Purgatory... what's that?
- Ray: Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great either. Like Tottenham.
- [pause]
- Ray: Do you believe in all that stuff, Ken?
- Ken: About Tottenham?
- [first lines]
- Ray: After I killed them, I dropped the gun in the Thames, washed the residue off me hands in the bathroom of a Burger King, and walked home to await instructions. Shortly thereafter the instructions came through. "Get the fuck out of London, youse dumb fucks. Get to Bruges." I didn't even know where Bruges fucking was.
- [pause]
- Ray: It's in Belgium.
- Ken: And at the same time, at the same time as trying to lead a good life, I have to reconcile that with the fact that with the fact that, yes, I have killed people. Not many people. And most of them were not very nice people. Apart from one person.
- Ray: Who was that?
- Ken: This bloke Danny Aliband's brother. He was just trying to protect his brother. Like you or I would. He was just a lollipop man. But he came at me with a bottle. What are you gonna do? I shot him down.
- Ray: Hmm. In my book, though, someone comes at you with a bottle, I'm sorry, that is a deadly weapon, he's gotta take the consequences.
- Ken: I know that in my heart, but I also know he was trying to protect his brother, you know?
- Ray: I know, but a bottle, that can kill ya. That's a case of "It's you or him". If he'd come at you with his bare hands, that'd be different. That wouldn't have been fair.
- Ken: But technically, someone's bare hands, they can kill you too. They can be deadly weapons too. What if he knew Karate, say?
- Ray: You said he was a lollipop man.
- Ken: He WAS a lollipopman.
- Ray: What a lollipop man doing, knowing fucking Karate?
- Ken: I'm just saying...
- Ray: How old was he?
- Ken: About fifty.
- Ray: What's a fifty year old lollipop man doing, knowing fucking Karate? What was he, a Chinese lollipop man?
- Ken: Course not.
- Ray: Well then.
- Ray: A lot of midgets tend to kill themselves. A disproportionate amount, actually. Hervé Villechaize off of Fantasy Island. I think somebody from the Time Bandits did. I suppose they must get really sad about like... being really little and that... people looking at them, laughing at them, calling them names. You know, "short arse". There's another famous midget. I miss him but I can't remember. It's not the R2D2 man; no, he's still going. I hope your midget doesn't kill himself. Your dream sequence will be fucked.
- Chloë: He doesn't like being called a midget. He prefers dwarf.
- Ray: This is exactly my point! People going around calling you a midget when you want to be called a dwarf. Of course you're going to blow your head off.
- Ray: I don't hit women. I'd never hit a woman, Chloë! I hit a woman who was trying to hit me with a bottle! That's different, that's self defence, isn't it? Or a woman who did karate. I'd never hit a woman generaly, Chloë. Don't think that. God, you're pretty.
- Chloë: I have to make a call.
- Ray: Oh no. You've gone off me, haven't you? Just cause I hit that fucking cow.
- [she kisses him]
- Ken: This morning, and this afternoon, we are doing what I want to do. Got it?
- Ray: Of course. Which, I presume, will involve culture.
- Ken: We shall strike a balance between culture and fun.
- Ray: Somehow I believe, Ken, that the balance shall tip in the favor of culture, like a big fat fucking retarded fucking black girl on a see-saw opposite... a dwarf.