Yeardley Smith credited as playing...
Lisa Simpson
- Lisa: What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog?
- Marge Simpson: Uh-oh.
- Bart: It looks like he's trying to jump over her, but he can't quite make it. Come on, boy! You can do it!
- Smithers: Are you sure you want to go through with this, sir? You do have a very full wardrobe as it is.
- Mr. Burns: Yes, but not completely full, for you see... /
- [singing]
- Mr. Burns: Some men hunt for sport, others hunt for food. The only thing I'm hunting for, is an outfit that looks good... / See... my... Vest. See my vest. / Made from real gorilla chest. / See this sweater, there's no better, than authentic Irish Setter. / See this hat? 'Twas my cat, / My evening wear vampire bat. / These white slippers are albino African endangered rhino. / Grizzly bear underwear, / Turtle's necks I've got my share. / Beret of Poodle on my noodle I shall rest. / Try my red robin suit, it comes one breast or two. / See my vest. See my vest. See my vest. / Like my loafers? Former gophers, / It was that or skin my chauffeurs / but a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best. / So let's prepare these dogs...
- Mrs. Potts: Kill two for matching clogs.
- Mr. Burns: See my vest, see my vest, oh please won't you see... my... Vest! I really like the vest.
- Smithers: I gathered, yeah...
- Lisa: He's gonna make a tuxedo out of our puppies!
- Bart: [still humming the tune] Na na na na na na naa naaaa...
- Lisa: Bart!
- Bart: Sorry... You gotta admit it's catchy.
- [a wild Santa's Little Helper digs up a dozen holes in the backyard]
- Lisa: [gasp] My bongo drums!
- Bart: My strobe light!
- Homer Simpson: My "Best of Ray Stevens - featuring the 'Streak' - Album"! So it was the dog who buried all our stuff!
- Marge Simpson: Yes... the dog.
- Lisa: [trying to give the puppies away] They don't like being broken up.
- Marge Simpson: We've got to be realistic, kids. Who's going to have a big enough heart to take care of 25 puppies?
- Mr. Burns: [chuckling] And I know the little fellows will love romping around my many acres, chasing my many cars, drinking from my many toilets.
- Homer Simpson: Who wouldn't?
- Lisa: [quietly] Mom, don't give the puppies to him. He'll be mean to them.
- Marge Simpson: Hmm. She's right, Homer. There's something about his face I don't trust.
- Homer Simpson: [Burns laughs evily] Uh... I'm sorry, Mr. Burns, but you can't have these dogs.
- [flinching]
- Homer Simpson: Am I fired?
- Mr. Burns: Hmm? Oh, of course not. They're your pets. You can do as you wish.
- [leaving with Smithers]
- Mr. Burns: Good day, everyone.
- Marge Simpson: My, he certainly took that well.
- Homer Simpson: A little too well, if you ask me. I'm sure he's plotting some brilliant scheme to get those puppies.
- Mr. Burns: [stealing the puppies behind their backs] There you go. There you go. You, too.
- Smithers: Honestly, sir, you just don't put the effort into your schemes that you used to.
- Marge Simpson: All right, who broke my vase?
- Lisa: Who took all my test papers off the refrigerator and tore them up?
- Homer Simpson: Who spread garbage all over Flanders' yard before I got a chance to?
- Bart: Oh, please. This is senseless destruction with none of my usual social commentary.
- Lisa: [Santa's Little Helper leaps in with a pillow in his mouth and shakes the filling out] If it wasn't you, then who was it?
- Marge Simpson: [SLH chases after Snowball the cat with a kitchen knife in his mouth] Well, I'm sure these things didn't destroy themselves, now did they?
- Homer Simpson: [frightened] Did they?
- Marge Simpson: [after Santa's Little Helper humps a female dog] I think they're in love.
- Homer Simpson: [the crowd "awws"] Aw! So that's what's been wrong with the little fella. He misses casual sex.
- Lisa: Can we keep Santa's girlfriend, mom?
- Bart: Please?
- Marge Simpson: But she's not our dog.
- Texan: [giving Homer the leash] She's yours now. Once they fall in love, they lose their racing spirit.
- Marge Simpson: Won't you miss her loyalty and companionship?
- Texan: [guffawing] Lady, you're all right.
- Lisa: Mom, why do I have to wear a flea collar?
- Marge Simpson: [wearing one, too] Oh, it's just easier this way.
- Bart: Hey, look! A really small dog just fell out of Santa's girlfriend!
- Marge Simpson: Oh, my god! She's having babies! Oh, I'm sorry, girl. I thought you were just getting fat.
- Lisa: Look! It's twins!
- Homer Simpson: No, it's two sets of twins.
- Bart: Two sets of twins and a triplet.
- Marge Simpson: Homer! Homer, find a place for all these little miracles.
- Homer Simpson: Your mother and I have been thinking about giving the puppies away.
- Bart, Lisa: NOOOOO!
- Homer Simpson: Mainly your mother.
- Lisa: Is that what we do in this family? When someone becomes an inconvenience, we just get rid of them?
- Grampa Simpson: [at the Retirement Castle, he picks up a silent phone receiver] Hello? Is anybody there?
- [hanging up, dejected]
- Grampa Simpson: Aw...