Kelsey Grammer credited as playing...
Sideshow Bob
- [appearing on the stadium television]
- Sideshow Bob: Hello, Springfield. Sorry to divert your attention from all the big noises and shiny things. But something's been troubling me lately: television! Wouldn't our lives be so much richer if television were done away with?
- Moe: What?
- Dr. Hibbert: Surely he's not talking about VH-1.
- Sideshow Bob: Why, we could revive the lost arts of conversation and scrimshaw. Therefore I submit to you, we abolish television, permanently!
- Homer Simpson: Go back to Massachusetts, pinko!
- Sideshow Bob: Oh, and one more thing: I've stolen a nuclear weapon. If you do not rid this city of television in two hours, I will detonate it. Farewell.
- [Bob cuts the link. People start to panic, then Bob reappears]
- Sideshow Bob: By the way, I'm aware of the irony of appearing on TV in order to decry it, so don't bother pointing that out.
- Sideshow Bob: Well, if it isn't my arch-nemesis, Bart Simpson. And his sister, Lisa, to whom I'm fairly indifferent.
- [reading from a bomb's casing]
- Sideshow Bob: "Best before November 1959." Dammit, Bob. There were plenty of brand new bombs, but you had to go for that retro 50s charm.
- Sideshow Bob: [high-pitched] All of Springfield trembles before the might of Sideshow Bob...! Blasted helium!
- Sideshow Bob: I renew my objection to this pointless endeavor. Informally now and by affidavit later. Time permitted.
- Sideshow Bob: [after his demands are met] Yes. They're giving in.
- [pause]
- Sideshow Bob: Blast. I should've made more demands. Like some tasty marmalade... Well, maybe next time...