James Gandolfini credited as playing...
Tony Soprano
- Janice Soprano: [referring to Richie] What'd you do with him?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Sarcastically] We buried him. On a hill. Overlooking a little river. With pine cones all around.
- Janice Soprano: [surprised] you did?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: oh Jesus, what the fuck?, What'd you care what we did we him?
- Janice Soprano: I loved him so much
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Sarcastically] all in all, I'd say it wasn't a bad visit.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: My future brother-in-law is causing a serious problem.
- Silvio Dante: How serious?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: He's not satisfied with the current leadership. He wants to have me popped.
- Silvio Dante: That motherfucker.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So now I gotta decide what to do about him.
- Silvio Dante: I genuinely don't think there's anything to gain by keeping him around.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Get it done.
- Tony Soprano: [Meeting to discuss which garbage routes belong to whom] so that's it: Albert splits Nutley with Delesio Brothers and Barone here keeps everything north of Patterson, what else do we have to talk about?
- Dick Barone: Fairfield Township is taking bids next week
- Richie Aprile: What's there to talk about? Fairfield's mine
- Tony Soprano: Was yours. I don't give bids to the "handicapped", your fuckin deaf because I told you ten times then I find out your still dealing blow on those garbage routes
- Richie Aprile: [Confused] For that I'm losing a fuckin bid?
- Tony Soprano: Next time you'll find yourself in the back of one of your trucks
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: Those are my father's garbage routes
- Albert Barese: Actually fellas, my cousin Larry wants the Fairfield contract, since he was family and what not, while his in jail awaiting trial
- Tony Soprano: See? This is why we have a fixed bid club because everybody has a story on why they should move to the front of the line
- Richie Aprile: I've been in line for ten fuckin years
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: My uncle is just asking for what my father would've given him if he was boss when Richie was getting out of prison and it had nothing to do with that they were brothers: you respecting my father you should respect Richie
- Tony Soprano: Those who want respect, give respect
- Richie Aprile: [to Jackie Jr] See? He just told you to shut the fuck up and he told me to go fuck myself
- Carmela Soprano: [Referring to Tony had to suddenly leave to go to his mother's house the night before] you've been gone all night: half the morning. What the hell happened over there?
- Tony Soprano: [after sitting down next to her on their couch in the living room] Janice decided to go back to Seattle
- Carmela Soprano: Your kidding What about Richie? He must be devastated
- Tony Soprano: Richie's "gone."
- Carmela Soprano: What'd you mean "gone"?
- Tony Soprano: [Implying Richie's been killed] "gone"
- Carmela Soprano: Where?
- Tony Soprano: Carmella after eighteen years of marriage, don't make me make you an accessory "after the fact."
- Carmela Soprano: [Eventually realizes what his implying] an accessory "after the..."holy shit
- Tony Soprano: Stop asking
- Carmela Soprano: Oh my God
- Tony Soprano: I took care of it
- Carmela Soprano: That was not a marriage "made in heaven"
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I need you to give me a number of a good shrink
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Oh
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: For a girl I was seeing
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Remains silent]
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Was?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah, I broke up with her and she tried to kill herself. She drank a quart of vodka, the fuckin ambulance came, pumped her stomach, and it cost me three grand
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: She should've been seen by the psychiatrist in the hospital
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: He was a Romanian and they have some beef that goes back centuries and she wouldn't talk to him
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you feel responsible for her suicide attempt?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I was bangin her for two years
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Was that a hard chip on her?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's cute, do you know how many women I've been through? I don't know why I just don't say "fuck it" with this one
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Why do you think?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, she's a sweet kid underneath it all. I think she's seriously depressed
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You feel for her. I'm interested in why your ending it
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What'd you mean "why"? Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? Aren't you telling me that all the time in here?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I don't think I ever passed judgment on your sex life or any patient's sex life
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Even if I'm twenty years older than her? And I'm married
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Surprised by his sudden fidelity to Carmella]
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What's wrong with you?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Why now?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Why now? Because it's not fun anymore ok? Are you going to recommend someone or not?
- Janice Soprano: [after seeing him upset] What's the matter?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Jackie Aprile is man who loved knowledge, when he was dying of the cancer, he was praying his son would go to medical school. If he knew he dropped out of college... it'll break his heart
- Janice Soprano: It didn't hurt the Beatles, Bill Gates: his uncle Richie is looking out for him
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Richie's son pursuing a career path as a ballroom dancer] He should deal with his own son
- Janice Soprano: Hey, don't do that. You know his taking AJ to the dirt bike championship at Giants Stadium?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: AJ can't go: he got a C in Algebra
- Janice Soprano: does Carmela know about this?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Alright, you really wanna know? I don't want him around my kids
- Janice Soprano: Who? Richie?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [nods] You heard me
- Janice Soprano: The fuck are you talking about?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Ask Gia Gaeta
- Janice Soprano: Richie told me all about that, the transmission slipped out of gear. Richie's lucky he didn't crushed by the car too and for your information, Beansie Gaeta owed him major dollars for ten years and Richie wasn't asking for the interest
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Why not?
- Janice Soprano: And if we're so awful, why are you throwing us an engagement party?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Because you're my sister and I try to do what's right. Anyway, it's my wife's thing
- Janice Soprano: Does right include planking that little Russian girl of yours on the side?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [irritated] You know what? Being that I am, be a fuckin codependent to a fuckin shitbag, what the fuck do I care?
- Janice Soprano: You know, you just can't stand to see me happy, can you? You motherfucker
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while visiting her in the hospital after she tried to commit suicide] Jesus Christ
- Irina Peltsin: I don't care what happens anymore
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Don't say that shit: you got your whole life ahead of you
- Irina Peltsin: What kind of life is there without you? To go back home? To be a dancer? Be prostitute after that? I don't want to
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [as she hugs him] Everything's gonna be alright, ok?
- Irina Peltsin: [after having sexual intercourse with him] I love my new pony skin boots
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah, their nice, why don't you wear them when you go to some of your job interviews?
- Irina Peltsin: [while she rubs the left boot against his body] Feel how soft they are?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to the fashion designer] you call Sy Lipman yet?
- Irina Peltsin: No, I'm doing it
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: There's good money in modeling. You don't want to spend the rest of your life behind a counter selling perfume in a department store, do you?
- Irina Peltsin: What do you care what I do?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Don't start with the moody shit
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after she ignores him by reading a book] what is that?
- Irina Peltsin: [referring to the title of the book] Chicken Soup for the Soul
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [jokingly] You should read Tomato Sauce for Your Ass, it's the Italian version
- Irina Peltsin: Somebody gave me this I met at work. He drives for Runaway Limos, he brought Karl Lagerfield to the store for the trunk shows, why? Are you jealous?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You fuckin him?
- Irina Peltsin: I can't have a conversation with you, your horrible
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's a fuckin question
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [changing the subject] Maybe it's something you should think about?
- Irina Peltsin: What?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Finding somebody who can give you everything you want
- Irina Peltsin: I told you, he drives for a limo company
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm not talking about those kind of "things." I'm talking about a family, marriage, children...
- Irina Peltsin: I don't want to find someone, I have you
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What? To take you out to dinner and screw your fuckin brains out?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [irritated, while getting out of bed] The fuck's wrong with you?
- Irina Peltsin: [pleading] No, don't go
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You don't know what the fuck you want
- Irina Peltsin: Don't yell at me. You know this is a bad time, my new boss is so mean to me
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's always a bad time with you, with the cousins, the landlords...
- Irina Peltsin: [interrupts him, worried, raises her voice] Please, no
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know it hasn't been good: for either of us, I'm the one out here
- Irina Peltsin: I'll die without you
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No, you won't, you'll forget about me in two weeks
- Irina Peltsin: If you go, I'll kill myself
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while getting dressed then leaving] Don't you fuckin threaten me. This is over, I can't do this anymore, I'm not gonna do it anymore, you talk to that guy about the modeling like I told you. I'll take care of you until you get on your feet but I'm not doing this anymore, you understand?
- Irina Peltsin: [after throwing at him the cowboy boots he bought for her] fuckin bastard, I hate you, get out of here
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: fuckin mood swings
- Irina Peltsin: I went to the model agency like you told me. I waited four hours to see Mr. Lipman
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: so, you didn't get the job, no big deal
- Irina Peltsin: it was to be a model for catalogs for salad spinners
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [dismissively] well, you gotta start somewhere
- Irina Peltsin: when I went in to see him, he told me I am too old
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: oh, Jesus. I'm sorry,
- Irina Peltsin: I told you, it's all over for me
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: no, it's not, you're gonna be fine
- Irina Peltsin: look, at Svetlana: her prosthetic leg fall off in a Gap store and her Bill picks her up and carries her. Where is my knight in white satin armor?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: listen, I got the number of a guy I want you to talk to
- Irina Peltsin: I don't want to go to anymore fuckin interviews
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: it's not an interview, it's a shrink
- Irina Peltsin: a shrink?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: yeah, a psychiatrist
- Irina Peltsin: oh, I know what it is
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: he comes highly recommended, you're gonna feel better if you talk to him
- Irina Peltsin: I am not going to see no shrink
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: yeah, you are because it's what I want you to do
- Irina Peltsin: you are not the boss of me
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: ok, you know what? Go fuck yourself then because I'm trying to be a nice guy. I went through a lot of trouble to get that number
- Irina Peltsin: why? So, you can send me to a hospital? Lock me up?
- Carmela Soprano: [after Tony hangs up the phone] who was that? Your little Russian girlfriend?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Irina Peltsin] listen, it's over between us: it has been for a very long time
- Carmela Soprano: bullshit, why does your clothes still stink of perfume?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: ok... I saw her but it's not what you think. She tried commit suicide
- Carmela Soprano: oh, fuck you
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I broke it off with her and she tried to kill herself because she said she didn't wanna go on without me: the poor kid
- Carmela Soprano: [gradually raising her voice] you're putting me in a position where I'm feeling sorry for a whore who fucks you? You know what's even stranger? For a second, I believed you
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [meeting privately in Junior's doctor's clinic] This better be good, I'm in the middle of World War Three over there
- Junior Soprano: When you're lying in the street in a pool of your own blood, don't say your uncle didn't try and tell you
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [confused] What're you talking about?
- Junior Soprano: Richie Aprile: His moving against you
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [dismissively] He doesn't have the balls
- Junior Soprano: His got a legitimate beef with you. Your fuckin highhanded with everybody
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Why don't you stick to what you know and leave your opinions wherever the fuck?
- Junior Soprano: He approached Albert Barese and Albert said no
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Albert told you this?
- Junior Soprano: No, I got it from Richie himself at my house yesterday. His gonna take you out, Larry Barese and anybody who won't go along
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Wait a minute, why the fuck is Richie telling you all this?
- Junior Soprano: [smiles] He thinks I'm with him
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [suspiciously] Really? What gave him that idea?
- Junior Soprano: It's what I wanted him to believe, I've been playing him. I've seen this coming all along, that's why I made a big deal out of that coke, I raised a non-issue and he fell for it
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You're like a double agent now huh? Fuckin Matt Helm?
- Junior Soprano: [irritated] Fuck you
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: How do I know you're not playing me?
- Junior Soprano: Believe what you want my little nephew but if I didn't come to you, your fuckin wife would be a widow and your children wouldn't have no father, so go fuck yourself
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Alright, stop, I'm grateful to you... I am. I'll give you five percent on the action that was left to you, kick it up to seven and a half: don't sell drugs on those routes, it's short sided
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after they hug, referring to Janice] You know that asshole's marrying my sister?
- Junior Soprano: You gotta wonder where she is in all of this? My little niece?
- Janice Soprano: [referring to dismembering and disposing Richie's body after she killed him] I'm never gonna forget this: I owe you. God, do I owe you
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [sarcastically] all in all, I'd say it was a pretty good visit
- Janice Soprano: what's wrong with our family?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I go to a shrink. She says our mother is a "narcissistic personality", when she turned out that way, who the fuck knows?
- Janice Soprano: grandpa Vito was "no prize" as a father
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: that's not all the shrink says: that ma was a person who was "incapable" of "experiencing joy" and dad, all he did was "experiencing joy"
- Janice Soprano: Richie told me you going to a shrink, I used to suggest it to you and you'd "blow your stack" at me
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: maybe you ought to think about it? You know, go back into therapy?