Brent Spiner credited as playing...
Lieutenant Commander Data
- Q: What are you looking at?
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: I was considering the possibility that you are telling the truth, that you really are human.
- Q: It's the ghastly truth, Mister Data. I can now stub my toe with the best of them.
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: An irony. It means that you have achieved in disgrace what I have always aspired to be.
- Q: [analyzing the cause for the Bre'el IV moon's trajectory] This is obviously the result of a large celestial object passing through at near right angles to the plane of the star system. Probably a black hole.
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: Can you recommend a way to counter the effect?
- Q: Simple. Change the gravitational constant of the universe.
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: Captain, the aliens have disappeared. And so has the shuttle.
- Commander William T. Riker: Scan the sector.
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have, sir.
- Capt. Picard: Well... I suppose that is the end of Q.
- [with a flash, Q appears on the bridge with a trumpet, accompanied by a mariachi band]
- Q: AU CONTRAIRE, MON CAPITAINE! HE'S BACK!
- [the band starts playing, accompanied by Q with gusto]
- Q: Until next time. Ah, but... before I go, there's a debt I wish to repay, to my professor of the humanities. Data, I've decided to give you something very, very special.
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: If your intention is to make me human, Q...
- Q: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I would never curse you by making you human. Think of it... as a going-away present.
- [he disappears. Data suddenly starts laughing out of control]
- Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Data... Data, why are you laughing?
- [Data calms down, somewhat bemused]
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: I do not know. But it was a wonderful... feeling.
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have observed that the selection of food is often influenced by the mood of the person ordering.
- Q: I'm in a dreadful mood. Get me something appropriate.
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: When Counselor Troi is unhappy, she usually eats something chocolate.
- Q: Chocolate?
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: Mm. A chocolate sundae for example. Although I do not speak from personal experience, I have seen it have a profound psychological impact.
- Q: [to waitress] I'll have ten chocolate sundaes.
- Waitress: Ten?
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have never seen anyone eat ten chocolate sundaes.
- Q: I'm in a really bad mood. And since I've never eaten before, I should be... very hungry.
- [Q is sitting with Data at the bar in Ten Forward, when Guinan enters]
- Q: This is not a moment I've been looking forward to.
- Guinan: [approaching] I hear they drummed you out of the Continuum.
- Q: I like to think of it as a significant career change.
- Guinan: Just one of the boys, eh?
- Q: One of the boys with an IQ of two thousand and five.
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: The Captain and many of the crew are not yet convinced he is truly human.
- Guinan: Really?
- [Guinan picks up a sharp-tined fork and stabs the back of Q's hand, who screams in pain]
- Guinan: Seems human enough to me.
- Q: [of La Forge] Who does he think he is, giving me orders?
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: Geordi thinks he is in command here - and he is correct.
- Q: Picard thinks I can't cut it on his starship. I can do anything his little-trained minions can do.
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: I do not perceive your skills to be in doubt, Q. The Captain is merely concerned with your ability to successfully interact with his little-trained minions.
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: Of more immediate importance is your ability to work within groups.
- Q: I'm not good in groups. It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent.
- Q: I think I just hurt my back. I'm feeling pain... I don't like it. What's the right thing to say, 'ow'?
- Lt. Cmdr. Data, Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: 'Ow'.
- Q: OW! I can't straighten up!
- Guinan: [referring to Data] You could learn a lot from this one.
- Q: Sure, the robot who teaches the course in humanities.
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: I am an android, not a robot.
- Q: [sarcastically] I beg your pardon.
- Guinan: I'd enjoy that. And you'd better get used to it.
- Q: What?
- Guinan: Begging! You're a pitiful excuse for a human. The only way you're gonna survive is on the charity of others.
- Q: [the Enterprise is trying to correct the orbit of a moon with the ship's tractor beam before it collides with the planet Bre'el IV] And if you're wrong the moon will crumble due to subspace compression. Don't say I didn't warn you.
- Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: Shut up, Q.
- Q: [suddenly rising] I will not be spoken to in this manner!
- Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge: [as if to say deal with him] Data.
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: Q, I strongly suggest that you cooperate.
- [Q reluctantly returns to his seat in Engineering]
- Q: What do you like?
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: Although I do not require sustenance, I occasionally ingest a semi-organic nutrient suspension in a silicone-based liquid medium.
- Q: Is it good?
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: It would be more accurate to say it is good for me, as it lubricates my bio-functions.
- Lt. Cmdr. Data: I have the curiosity of humans; but there are questions that I will never have the answers to - what it is like to laugh or... or cry. Or to experience any human emotions.
- Q: Hm - well, if you ask me, these human emotions are not what they're cracked up to be.