Jonathan Frakes credited as playing...
Commander William Thomas 'Will' Riker
- Lt. Commander Data: [examining skeletal remains in hotel bed] Definitely human. Male.
- Commander William T. Riker: Looks like the poor devil died in his sleep.
- Lieutenant Worf: What a terrible way to die.
- Commander William T. Riker: [reading from the diary entry of Colonel Richey] "I write this in the hope that it will someday be read by human eyes. I can only surmise at this point, but apparently, our exploratory shuttle was contaminated by an alien life form, which infected and killed all personnel except myself. I awakened to find myself here in the Royale Hotel, precisely as described in the novel I found in my room. And for the last 38 years, I have survived here. I have come to understand that the alien contaminators created this place for me out of some sense of guilt, presuming that the novel we had on board the shuttle about the Hotel Royale was, in fact, a guide to our preferred lifestyle and social habits. Obviously they thought that this was the world from which I came. I hold no malice toward my benefactors. They could not possibly know the hell that they have put me through. For it was such a badly-written book, filled with endless cliché and shallow characters... I shall welcome death when it comes."
- Lieutenant Worf: [pauses, then picks up the phone] Yes?
- [turns to Riker and Data]
- Lieutenant Worf: There's a female voice asking if we want room service.
- Lt. Commander Data: I believe she's asking if we want the room cleaned.
- Commander William T. Riker: Tell her no.
- Lieutenant Worf: [turns to phone] No.
- [pauses, then hangs up slowly]
- Commander William T. Riker: What did she say?
- Lieutenant Worf: She said the kitchen will be open 24 hours a day if we change our minds.
- Lieutenant Worf: What is this place? How did a being like you get here?
- Asst. Manager: Why, this is the Royale, of course. And my personal life is really none of your business, thank you.
- Commander William T. Riker: What he means is, what planet is this?
- Asst. Manager: I beg your pardon?
- Commander William T. Riker: This planet, what do you call it?
- Asst. Manager: Earth. What do you call it?
- Lieutenant Worf: We call it Theta VIII.
- Asst. Manager: How charming.
- [last lines]
- Commander William T. Riker: None of it makes any sense.
- Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Like Fermat's Theorem, it's a puzzle we may never solve.
- Commander William T. Riker: When the train comes in, everybody rides.
- Texas: Yeah. And I'm gettin' off at this station.
- Commander William T. Riker: We're from the United Federation of Planets.
- Asst. Manager: Of course you are.