Dylan Sprouse credited as playing...
Zack Martin
- Zack Martin: Test? How could there be a test? Didn't we just get our report cards? Isn't there some down time before we have to start learning again? Ugh! Why do you keep shoving knowledge down our throats?
- Cody Martin: It's school?
- Zack Martin: Yeah, and I don't wanna have to spend my summer here eating vegetables and having you tell me what was on TV last night. There's gotta be a way out!
- Cody Martin: Yeah. Study.
- Zack Martin: Look, you're not gonna take this seriously.
- Zack Martin: You dyslexic people seem to have it so easy...
- Bob: Easy? Yeah, the jumbled letters, the humility, the inability to shoot a free throw...
- Mr. Forgess: Bob, dyslexia has nothing to do with your basketball performance.
- Bob: Yeah, I know, but I was on a roll.
- Zack Martin: [to Cody] Well, if you're so smart, what's the capital of North Dakota?
- Cody Martin: Bismarck.
- Zack Martin: I thought Bismarck was the capital of South Dakota.
- Cody Martin: No, that's Pierre.
- Zack Martin: So what's the capital of Wyoming?
- Cody Martin: Cheyenne.
- Zack Martin: Thanks, you just finished my homework! ... Like shootin' fish in a barrel.
- [Zack has tried to discard of his report card by making it into a paper airplane and throwing it away, but it lands in a woman's wig, which freaks her out when Mr. Moseby tries to take it]
- Mr. Moseby: So sorry, madam. I apologize profusely. I will get to the bottom of this.
- [the twins walk up]
- Mr. Moseby: Or shall I say "bottoms"?
- [he holds up the paper airplane to the twins]
- Mr. Moseby: Does this by any chance belongs to you?
- Zack Martin: Nope, don't know who it belongs to. It's a mystery, completely unsolvable.
- Mr. Moseby: [unfolds and reads report card] "Zack Martin".
- Zack Martin: Unless you do that.
- [takes report card back]
- Mr. Moseby: [coughing] How many times I must tell you, this hotel lobby is not your personal playground. Now, since you two have arrived at my hotel, you have been nothing but a...
- [loses voice]
- Zack Martin: A delight?
- Cody Martin: A bundle of youthful energy, whose spirit has breathed life into this stodgy, old place?
- Zack Martin: And to say thank you, you want to reward us with free sundaes?
- Cody Martin: Thanks, Mr. Moseby, you're the best!
- Zack Martin: Just do me a favor: don't mention the report cards for, like... ever.
- Cody Martin: Okay.
- [the twins go into their room]
- Carey Martin: Hey, guys. What's new?
- Cody Martin: [holding up his report card] Report cards!
- [Zack glowers darkly at Cody, who realizes his mistake]
- Cody Martin: Oops, slipped out.
- [Zack mouths "slipped out" mockingly]
- Carey Martin: Zack?
- Zack Martin: Love to chat, really tired, gotta hit the hay.
- Carey Martin: It's 3:30.
- Carey Martin: If Cody has a report card, that means you have one, too.
- Zack Martin: You think, and I'm just as surprised as you are.
- Carey Martin: Hand it over.
- Zack Martin: Okay. But before you read it, you should know that there's some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that I got Ds in Math, English, and Social Studies.
- Carey Martin: Well, what's the good news?
- Zack Martin: I'm all out of bad news.
- Carey Martin: This isn't funny, Zachary.
- Cody Martin: Ooh, Zachary!
- Carey Martin: I am very disappointed in you.
- Cody Martin: Ooh, disappointed!
- Zack Martin: Ooh, shut up!
- Zack Martin: Okay, Mom doesn't know we got our report cards, so we sneak into Moseby's office, shred them, and no one's the wiser.
- Cody Martin: But I want Mom to see my report card.
- Zack Martin: How do you live with yourself?
- Cody Martin: I don't. I live with you. And believe me, it's no picnic.
- Zack Martin: Fine, show her your report card. I'll just say it's from the both of us. It always works on her birthday.