John Ritter credited as playing...
Jack Tripper
- Larry Dallas: [Clears throat]
- [Dictating letter]
- Larry Dallas: "Dear Sleazebucket,"
- Janet Wood: Sleazebucket?
- Larry Dallas: Would you type?
- [Dictating letter]
- Larry Dallas: It is slime like you that makes this world stink. Only vermin would take advantage of their position to rob innocent people of their outcomes, period. Here's hoping that all the scummy things you've done to others, comma will come back to you ten times over. Your friend, Jack Tripper, today's date.
- Jack Tripper: Thanks a lot, Larry.
- Janet Wood: I'll put in the mail tomorrow morning.
- Jack Tripper: How did you come up with all that stuff so fast?
- Larry Dallas: Oh it was easy. I got the same letter down at the used car lot today.
- [Opening scene at Jack's Bistro; Jack takes an order for a couple]
- Jack Tripper: Okay, let me see if I have this right: One bottle of white wine...
- [to the lady]
- Jack Tripper: ... and for the lady, one Coq au vin...
- [Chicken with wine]
- Jack Tripper: [to the gentleman] ... and for the finest in French cuisine, the gentleman gets a Boeuf en Croute.
- [Beef in a Puff Pastry]
- Harry: Uh, with lots of ketchup.
- [Audience laughs as Jack apparently puts the order in]
- Melissa: [embarrassed] Harry, I told you this was a very chic restaurant.
- Harry: [confused] "Chic"? I thought you said "cheap".