Kyle MacLachlan credited as playing...
Special Agent Dale Cooper
- Log Lady: I heard you speaking about Laura Palmer?
- Dale Cooper: Yes?
- Log Lady: One day my log will have something to say about this. My log saw something that night.
- Dale Cooper: Really. What did it see?
- Log Lady: Ask it.
- [Cooper hesitates]
- Log Lady: I thought so.
- [walks away]
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: [to the waitress who has just poured him a cup of coffee] Wait a minute, wait a minute.
- [he savors his first sip]
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: You know, this is - excuse me - a damn fine cup of coffee. I've had I can't tell you how many cups of coffee in my life and this, this is one of the best. Now I'd like two eggs over hard. I know, don't tell me, it's hard on the arteries, but old habits die hard, just about as hard as I want those eggs.
- Dale Cooper: Diane, it struck me again earlier this morning, there are two things that continue to trouble me. And I'm speaking now not only as an agent of the Bureau but also as a human being. What really went on between Marilyn Monroe and the Kennedys and who really pulled the trigger on JFK?
- Dale Cooper: [after interviewing Josie Packard] So, Harry, how long you been seeing her?
- Sheriff Harry S. Truman: How did you know?
- Dale Cooper: Body language.
- Sheriff Harry S. Truman: [pause] Jeez, Louise.
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: [he enters sanding a handcarved wooden whistle] Hi, Mike, Bobby. Now before we get started, have you two fellas got your stories straight?
- Bobby Briggs: If we tell the truth we don't have to get our stories straight.
- Mike 'Snake' Nelson: Besides, the sheriff told us we're just in here for fighting and, uh, it was self-defense.
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Right. Well, I guess you can go then.
- Bobby Briggs: Now?
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Mm-hm.
- [as Mike and Bobby walk to the door, Cooper toots his whistle]
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Oh, fellas, one more thing. Pray for the health and safety of James Hurley, because if anything happens to him, I'm coming for you.
- [Mike and Bobby leave]
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Sheriff, what are you sitting around for? We've got places to go and people to see.
- Sheriff Harry S. Truman: You know, I think I'd better start studying medicine.
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: And why is that?
- Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Because I'm beginning to feel a bit like Dr. Watson.
- Pete Martell: [Pouring coffee] Mr. Cooper, how do you take it?
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Black as midnight on a moonless night.
- Pete Martell: Pretty black.
- Audrey Horne: Do you like my ring?
- FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Very nice.
- Audrey Horne: You know, sometimes I get so flushed, it's interesting. Do your palms ever itch?
- Dale Cooper: Were you friends with Laura Palmer?
- Audrey Horne: Not exactly. You see, Laura tutored my brother Johnny three times a week. Johnny's 27 and he's in the third grade. He's got emotional problems. Runs in the family.
- [pause]
- Audrey Horne: Do you like my ring?
- Pete Martell: Mr. Cooper, how do you take it?
- Dale Cooper: Black as midnight on a moonless night.
- Pete Martell: Pretty black.
- Dale Cooper: Have you got your stories straight yet?
- Bobby Briggs: If we tell you the truth, we don't have to get our stories straight.