Glenn Howerton credited as playing...
Dennis Reynolds
- Dennis Reynolds: I am not banging my sister.
- Barbara Reynolds: Jesus Christ! What have I walked into here?
- Dee Reynolds: Oh my God.
- Barbara Reynolds: You two aren't having *sex* together...
- Dennis Reynolds: No, we're not having sex.
- Frank Reynolds: What the hell is she doing here?
- Dee Reynolds: Sit down please, Mom.
- Barbara Reynolds: I am not getting pulled into any sort of perverted sex talk.
- Dennis Reynolds: It's not perverted!
- Frank Reynolds: Banging your sister is perverted, Dennis!
- Dennis Reynolds: [shouts] I am not banging my sister!
- Dee Reynolds: We need to talk to you about something, Dad.
- Frank Reynolds: Shoot.
- Dennis Reynolds: It's kind of disturbing.
- Frank Reynolds: You two aren't banging, are you?
- Dee Reynolds: What?
- Dennis Reynolds: No! What are you talking about?
- Dee Reynolds: No, that's disgusting.
- Frank Reynolds: Yeah, yeah it is. Stay away from that kind of thing. No good can come of it, trust me.
- Mac: What in the hell is a MySpace page?
- Dee Reynolds: It's like that friends forum.
- Dennis Reynolds: Dude, these things are actually pretty awesome. You create a profile, and then you put your picture on there, and then other people send you pictures of themselves and they want to be your friend.
- Mac: Wow, so that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. You guys are losers.
- Dennis Reynolds: How are we losers, dude?
- Mac: Well, maybe it boils down to this, smart guy: computers are for losers.
- Dennis Reynolds: And you're drinking a beer at 8 o'clock in the morning.
- Mac: Whatever, dude, irrelevant.
- Dennis Reynolds: Hey, pal. How- how you feeling?
- Boy in ICU: It hurts everywhere.
- Dennis Reynolds: Well...
- Dee Reynolds: Well, it- Everything's gonna be okay.
- Barbara Reynolds: You don't know that, Deandra.
- Dee Reynolds: Shut up, Mother.
- Barbara Reynolds: I don't think we should be lying to the sick children.
- Dee Reynolds: I was trying to be encouraging.
- Barbara Reynolds: Well, what if he doesn't get better? You're gonna look like a fool.
- Dennis Reynolds: Mom, I gotta say I agree with Dee. I mean, the kid's gonna die anyway. What difference does it make?
- Boy in ICU: I can hear you.
- Dennis Reynolds: There's this guy, Bruce, who contacted Dee on MySpace, and he's claiming to be our biological father.
- Dee Reynolds: We just wanted to ask the question and just get it out of the way, is there a chance that that could be possible?
- Frank Reynolds: No.
- Barbara Reynolds: Yes.
- Frank Reynolds: What?
- Barbara Reynolds: Well, Bruce who? Bruce Mathis?
- Dee Reynolds: Yeah.
- Barbara Reynolds: Then yes.
- Dee Reynolds: There's a chance this guy could be our father?
- Barbara Reynolds: No, yes, he *is* your father.
- Frank Reynolds: What the hell are you talking about?
- Barbara Reynolds: Do we really have to get into all of this?
- Frank Reynolds: Yes, we really have to get into all of this!
- Dennis Reynolds: [overlapping] Oh, my god, yes!
- Barbara Reynolds: Fine, fine, fine! Everybody settle down. It's not the end of the world. A long time ago, I met Bruce and we had this little affair, or whatever you want to call it. Long story short: he got me pregnant and I had to make a decision. Seeing as he had no money, I decided that the best thing for everyone was if I didn't tell Bruce and let your father think that the twins were his. End of story.
- Dennis Reynolds: [shocked] End of story?
- Frank Reynolds: How could you do that?
- Barbara Reynolds: I'm sorry. Would you rather I had them aborted?
- [to Dennis and Dee]
- Barbara Reynolds: Children, would you like to have been aborted?
- Dennis Reynolds: It's 8 o'clock in the morning and you're drinking a beer.
- Mac: Hey, that's how we roll. Go with it.