Alyson Hannigan: Lily Aldrin

Ted Mosby, Architect

Lily Aldrin

Robin Scherbatsky: [after hearing Ted went to a club with a girl] Dancing? He went dancing with this girl? Okay, maybe this is a little bad. Dancing is bad. Dancing leads to sex.
Lily Aldrin: Did you grow up in that Footloose town?

Carl: Hey Lily! Still single?
Lily Aldrin: Yes.
Carl: You know, I've poured a lot of free drinks for you over the years. A lot.
Lily Aldrin: Carl, do you really wanna be with a woman who would trade sex for beer?
Carl: Only if you're into it.

Robin Scherbatsky: [Outside nightclub] Excuse me. I'm looking for a couple guys who came in here earlier. One's about six-four, 210, sandy brown hair. And the other's a cheating bastard.
Bouncer: You're going to need to refresh my memory.
Lily Aldrin: Okay, fella. Baby knows how this game's played. How's a 20 help your memory?
[Hands him a 20 dollar bill]
Bouncer: Thanks, but seriously, it was crazy tonight. You really do need to refresh my memory.
Lily Aldrin: Oh, Then can I have the...?
[Tries to take her money back, but the bouncer pockets it]
Lily Aldrin: That's cool. You keep that.

Robin Scherbatsky: You know this girl. Where does she live?
Bouncer: I'm not telling you that for less than 20 bucks.
Lily Aldrin: Well, I'm out of money.
Robin Scherbatsky: I'm cashed, too.
Bouncer: I'll take your purse.
Robin Scherbatsky: My purse?
Bouncer: Yeah, my girl likes clutches.
Robin Scherbatsky: Okay, fine.
[Takes everything out of her purse then hands it over]
Lily Aldrin: [to the bouncer] You should tell her that looks really good with a chocolate boot.
Robin Scherbatsky: Bitch is lucky I brought my small purse. No room for my gun. Here. Now where does the rodeo slut live?
Bouncer: The building with the green light, apartment 3-C.
Lily Aldrin: Oh, my God, Robin, are you going to kick this girl's ass?
Robin Scherbatsky: Yeah... And steal her purse.

Ted: How was your day?
Robin Scherbatsky: Good.
[Walks away]
Ted: Wow, you're a great interviewer. Aren't you gonna ask how my day was?
Robin Scherbatsky: No, I know how it was. It was awful.
[Moves along]
Robin Scherbatsky: Ooh, you want to rent a movie tonight?
Ted: You know, um... I listen to your work stories all the time.
Robin Scherbatsky: Yeah, but... and I don't want to be rude here, but my work stories are interesting. I'm a television news reporter.
Lily Aldrin: [Cut to Robin and Lily talking at the chiropodist] Robin!
Robin Scherbatsky: What? I knew exactly what he was going to say. I was just helping him get there faster.
Lily Aldrin: You should work at a suicide hotline.

Lily Aldrin: [after hearing Ted invited a girl from the bar to Marshall's law party] He asked her to a party. Oh, my God, are you okay?
Robin Scherbatsky: Okay? It's awesome. It's a win-win. Ted got to vent and I don't have to hear it. Maybe after he's done with the talkie-talk, he'll come over and I'll get the fun part.
Lily Aldrin: What is wrong with you? God, I feel like I'm teaching love as a second language here. Okay, you know how when he tells you boring work stories you're supposed to listen? Well, when he picks up some random girl at a bar, you're supposed to freak out.
Robin Scherbatsky: I'm not freaking out because in my mind, she's fat.
Paula: She's a kickboxing instructor. Her ass looks better than my face.
Robin Scherbatsky: All right, we'll swing by the party.