Craig Ferguson credited as playing...
Gobber
- Hiccup: [about the Night Fury] I really did hit one.
- Gobber: Sure.
- Hiccup: He never listens!
- Gobber: Well, it runs in the family.
- Hiccup: And when he does, it's always with this... disappointed scowl, like someone skimped on the meat in his sandwich.
- [imitating]
- Hiccup: "Excuse me, barmaid! I'm afraid you brought me the wrong offspring! I ordered an extra-large boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side. This here, this is a talking fish-bone!"
- Gobber: Now, you're thinkin' about this all wrong. It's not so much what you *look* like, it's what's *inside* that he can't stand.
- [pause]
- Hiccup: [sarcastic] Thank you for summing that up.
- Gobber: Look the point is, stop trying so hard to be something you're not!
- Hiccup: I just wanna be one of you guys!
- Gobber: Look for its blind spot! Every dragon has one. Find it, hide in it, and strike!
- [Tuffnut and Ruffnut huddle in front of the dragon's face]
- Ruffnut: [sniffing] Whoa! Do you *ever* bathe?
- Tuffnut: You don't like it, then just get your own blind spot!
- [they shove at each other]
- Ruffnut: How about I give *you* one...!
- [the dragon blasts fire at them, they run for cover]
- Gobber: Blind spot, yes. Deaf spot... Not so much.
- Hiccup: Aw, come on, let me out, please? I need to make my mark!
- Gobber: Oh, you've made plenty of marks! All in the wrong places!
- Hiccup: Please, two minutes! I'll kill a dragon, my life will get infinitely better... I might even get a date!
- Gobber: You can't lift a hammer, you can't swing an axe, you can't even throw one of these!
- [holds up a set of bolas]
- Hiccup: [gesturing to a catapult machine of his own making] Okay fine, but this will throw it for me!
- [He touches the machine and it fires a set of bolas through the window, knocking out another Viking]
- Gobber: See, now this right here is what I'm talkin' about!
- Hiccup: It, it... mild calibration issue, I...
- Gobber: Don't you... no, Hiccup! If you ever want to get out there to fight dragons, you need to stop all... this.
- [gestures to all of Hiccup]
- Hiccup: But you just pointed to all of me!
- Gobber: Yes! That's it! Stop being all of you!
- Hiccup: [annoyed, squinting sideways at him] Oh...
- Gobber: Oh, yeah!
- Hiccup: You, sir, are playing a dangerous game! Keeping this much raw... viking-ness... contained! There'll be consequences!
- Gobber: [deadpan] I'll take my chances.
- [heaves a dented sword into Hiccup's hands]
- Gobber: Sword. Sharpened. Now.
- Gobber: Behind these doors are just a few of the many species you will learn to fight. The Deadly Nadder...
- Fishlegs: [speaking rapidly] Speed Eight, Armor Sixteen...
- Gobber: The Hideous Zippleback...
- Fishlegs: Plus Eleven Stealth, times Two...
- Gobber: The Monstrous Nightmare...
- Fishlegs: Firepower Fifteen...
- Gobber: The Terrible Terror...
- Fishlegs: Attack Eight, Venom Twelve...
- Gobber: [shouts] Can you stop that?
- [normal voice]
- Gobber: And... the Gronckle!
- Fishlegs: [whispering to Hiccup] Jaw Strength Eight.
- Stoick: [about Hiccup] What am I going to do with him, Gobber?
- Gobber: Put 'im in training with the others.
- Stoick: No, I'm serious!
- Gobber: So am I!
- Stoick: He'd be killed before you let the first dragon out of its cage!
- Gobber: Ah, you don't know that.
- Stoick: I do know that.
- Gobber: No you don't.
- Stoick: No, actually, I do.
- Gobber: No, you don't!
- Stoick: Listen, you know what he's like. From the time he could crawl he's been... different. He doesn't listen, he has the attention span of a sparrow... I take him fishing and he goes hunting for, for trolls!
- Gobber: Trolls exist! They steal your socks. But only the left ones. What's with that?
- Stoick: When I was a boy...
- Gobber: Oh here we go.
- Stoick: ...my father told me to bang my head against a rock and I did it! I thought I was crazy, but I didn't question him. And you know what happened?
- Gobber: You got a headache.
- Stoick: That rock split in two! It taught me what a Viking can do, Gobber, he can, he can crush mountains, level forests, tame seas! Even as a boy, I knew what I was, what I had to become... Hiccup is not that boy.
- Gobber: You can't stop him, Stoick. You can only prepare him. I know it seems hopeless, but the truth is you won't always be around to protect him! He's going to get out there again. He's probably out there now!
- Viking: Get to the ships!
- Stoick: No, no...!
- [the Green Death blasts the Viking ships, trapping the Vikings on the beach]
- Gobber: Smart, that one.
- Stoick: I was a fool. Lead the men to the far side of the island!
- Spitelout: Right!
- Stoick: Gobber, go with the men!
- Gobber: I think I'll stay, just in case you're thinking of doing something crazy.
- Stoick: I can buy them a few minutes if I give that thing something to hunt!
- Gobber: [takes his hand] Then I can double that time.
- [a Gronkle is let out into the training ring]
- Gobber: Today is about survival. If you get blasted, you're dead. Quick! What's the first thing you're going to need?
- Hiccup: A doctor?
- Fishlegs: Plus five speed?
- Astrid: A shield!
- Gobber: Shield! Go!
- [the teens scramble around to grab shields]
- Gobber: Your most important piece of equipment is your shield! If you must make a choice between a sword or a shield, take the shield!
- Snotlout: [to Astrid, during training] So anyway, uh, I moved into my parents' basement? You should come by some time to work out. You look like you work out!
- [his shield is knocked out by a Gronkle's fireball]
- Gobber: Snotlout, you're done!
- Hiccup: [to Astrid] So I guess it's just you and me, huh?
- Astrid: Nope, just you.
- [she dodges away and Hiccup's shield is hit by the Gronkle's fire]
- Gobber: Today is about teamwork! The Hideous Zippleback is extra tricky. One head *breathes* gas, the other head *lights* it. Your job, is to know which is which!
- Fishlegs: [whispering] Razor-sharp serrated teeth that inject venom for pre-digestion. Prefers ambush attack, crushing its victims...
- Hiccup: Will you *please* stop that?
- Gobber: Welcome to Dragon Training!
- Astrid: No turning back.
- Tuffnut: I hope I get some serious burns!
- Ruffnut: I'm hoping for some mauling, like, on my shoulder or lower back.
- Astrid: Yeah, it's only fun if you get a scar out of it.
- Hiccup: [deadpan] Yeah, no kidding, right? Pain. Love it.
- Tuffnut: Oh great, who let *him* in?
- Gobber: [Slapping a thick book on the table] The Dragon Manual. Everything we know about every dragon we know of.
- [Thunder rumbles]
- Gobber: No attacks tonight. Study up.
- Tuffnut: Wait, you mean *read*?
- Ruffnut: While we're still alive?
- Snotlout: Why read words when you can just kill the stuff the words tell you stuff about?
- Fishlegs: [eagerly] Oh! I've read it like, seven times. There's this water dragon that sprays boiling water at your face, and, and there's this other one, that buries itself for like a week...
- Tuffnut: [interrupting] Yeah, that sounds great. There was a chance I was gonna read that...
- Ruffnut: But, now...?
- Gobber: And with one twist, he took my hand and swallowed it whole. And I saw the look on his face. I was delicious! He must have passed the word, because it wasn't a month before another one of them took my leg!
- [gestures to his fake leg]
- Fishlegs: Isn't it weird to think that your hand was inside a dragon? Like if your mind was still in control of it, you could have killed that dragon from the inside, by... crushing its heart, or something.
- Snotlout: I swear, I'm so angry right now! I'll avenge your beautiful hand and your beautiful foot. I'll chop off the legs of every dragon I fight... with my face!
- Gobber: Uh-uh-uh, no. It's the wings and the tails you really want. If it can't fly, it can't get away. A *downed* dragon... is a dead dragon.
- Gobber: [to Hiccup during dragon training] Don't worry. You're small and you're weak. That'll make you less of a target! They'll see you as sick or insane and go after the more viking-like teens instead.