Slaughtered Vomit Dolls

This movie does not belong to any genre of films, it shouldn't even be CALLED a movie. It is a one hour and ten minutes long video of people getting slaughtered in extremely gross ways, and people continuously vomiting on each other. The one thing this movie for sure is, is a huge waste of time. Don't ever bother watching it.

Have you seen the trailer to this film? Well, imagine that same thing only have it last 71 minutes long. That's basically what this film is. There's a lot of puking, guts, nudity, and satanic music, but none of it means anything. There is no substance, style, taste, originality, plot, acting, or script. I could make a movie just like this.

1.) Buy and take the time to create a bunch of fake body parts and gross effects to have them at my disposal and then film my friends getting naked and pretending to do gross things with them.

2.) I mix a few buckets of fake blood and guts, tell them to all get naked, make a lot of pea soup, splash them with the stuff and have them pretending to vomit the stuff out, and then turn the camera on, dim the lights, and start filming.

3.) I cover them with fake blood and guts and hen tell them to tell them to get naked and pretend to puke them out. Then I turn the camera on again, dim the lights and film them doing that.

4.) The I could make some industrial music and then run it through a computer mixer and have it play backwards and then record that on the soundtrack.

5.) I rinse and repeat all three things and then take the footage and edit it all together and make it as disjointed and unplanned as possible.

6.) Then, I take the footage, add credits and print it and BAM! I have made a film with the same amount of creativity and appeal.

So that's it. The director, Lucifer Valentine, obviously had a lot of fun making this, but he neglected to make a movie. It's too bad because I could totally see him making something even crazier and more messed up and creative than this. If you like gore, well, you've seen better.

This resoundingly awful film is like spending an hour and ten minutes watching a bad music video. Much like the worst film ever made, The Blair Witch Project, silly-named director Lucifer Valentine attempts to use overly mobile camera angles to hide the fact that there's actually nothing going on in this film. Slaughtered Vomit Dolls plays out almost like a silent movie, as there is very little dialogue and the plot moves through just what we see on screen. But any thoughts of this being a credible art film are quickly vanquished when it turns out that all the film is, is a collection of scenes showing people vomiting blood. The plot has something to do with a young whore suffering from bulimia, but it's not analysed at all and while the film might think it's something like Roman Polanski's Repulsion, it certainly isn't. Apparently, this film was banned from a bunch of horror festivals for being too graphic (or something), but if I was choosing films for a horror festival, I'd have banned it for being too boring. Really, this film is a bad joke and I honestly don't see how anyone could find it disturbing. There's nothing left to say except don't waste your time…if you want to see an overly gory modern film, see Murder-Set-Pieces instead. Said film might not be great either, but it's Citizen Kane compared to this.

For a movie titled "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls" (and what exactly is a 'vomit doll' anyway?) and with an IMDb synopsis which reads: "The gruesome tapestry of psychological manifestations of a nineteen year old bulimic runaway stripper-turned prostitute as she descends into a hellish pit of satanic nightmares and hallucinations", Lucifer Valentine's 2006 opus "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls" is exceptionally dull. When it's not boring you "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls" seems especially keen on slaughtering your brain cells with its never before reached level of stupidity.

Hey, we all like a good dumb movie. "Lifeforce". "Plan 9". "Manos". "Hobgoblins". But those were funny. They were amusingly bad. Sometimes they became awfully boring, but you sat there amazed at how bad they were. Then you come to "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls", which reaches an unprecedented level of idiocy. There is absolutely not even an attempt at basic competence in the film-making or writing or acting. Any effort made on the film went into the gore effects, which, while reasonably well-done, we are unable to focus on due to Valentine's apparent attempt to violate every basic law of film-making. It's like watching a bad parody of a Nine Inch Nails video for 70 minutes.

The acting talent including Pig Lizzy, Princess Pam, and Miss Pussy Pants do an admirable job at vomiting and being slaughtered, as well as being dolls, although you can smell their teeth rotting from all the meth just by watching the movie. The male talent do a spectacular job at vomiting and slaughtering as well.

Overall this might just be truly the worst film of all time. "Ben and Arthur" would have to be significantly worse than I expect it to be to claim the title.

This movie is honestly one of the most pretentious movies I've ever seen. It is like an amalgamation of every single pretentious art house film trope ever: the found footage style to make up for the terrible production quality, the random over the top gore and nudity, the religious imagery, the reversed audio, the jumbled editing, the complete lack of any coherent plot or characters, etc. And for defenders of this film who will say, "it's not supposed to make sense; it's supposed to be open to interpretation; you missed the point of the movie," I will say, that doesn't matter. Yes, art is art, anyone can find some meaning in almost anything, but this movie is a jumbled mess. It's repetitive, beyond just the fact that it kinda just cycles between brutal violence and gore, people vomiting, and random abruptly cut, out of context dialogue, it literally reuses so much footage over and over. I swear they probably only recorded about 30 minutes of footage, and just extended it out to 110 minutes by just repeating the footage over and over. This movie gives me the terrible impression that it thinks it's super deep and creative and outside the box, when really it's just edgy for the sake of being edgy. Pushing boundaries and having a lot of nudity and gore isn't inherently pretentious, so long as it is doing those things for the sake of making a point or showing a deeper meaning. But this movie is the opposite of that, it's ridiculously over the top disgusting for the sake of being disgusting and getting attention.