Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda credited as playing...
Self
- Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda: You know, if I discover that I was Satan in person, I would do a good job, too.
- Bill Maher: As Satan?
- Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda: Because I would be faithful to my calling.
- Bill Maher: It's how you do your work, isn't it? You know, at the end of the day, whether you're the messiah or you're Satan, it's loving what you do and giving it a hundred percent.
- Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda: I give hundred percent.
- Bill Maher: Who are you?
- Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda: I am Jesus Christ man. The second coming. The Old Testament talk about me clearly. And the New Testament also.
- Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda: [to his congregation] Anyone who thinks I'm the Antichrist is miserable! Anyone who does not believe in me is miserable!
- Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda: I knew a young man who was about to go crazy over a woman, he was about to kill himself. I said "That passion, you should give to God! Turn that to God and see what happens".
- [clip of a suicide bombing]
- Bill Maher: It's such a powerful position, I mean you hold people's greatest hopes and dreams in the palm of your hand, really. Certainly some of the young women must get a crush on you?
- Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda: [voice goes higher] Umm... Probably. I would too if I was out there. If I was a woman I'd probably have a crush on me too.
- Bill Maher: That's keeping it real!
- Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda: Now I can advise other young men about women. Because I've been there. I had a young man who was about to go crazy over a woman, he was about to kill himself, you know? I said "That kind of passion, you should have for God!" I said "Turn that to God, and see what happens!"
- [Clip of a suicide bombing]