Valentine's Day

Oh dear, oh dear. This 2010 effort by the Americans to emulate the formula and the success of the British 2003 "Love Actually" produces a confused and limp offering. It must have looked such a great idea when pitched to the studio: a huge cast of stars, multiple story lines with cross connections, different takes on romance, lots of songs about love, and - even better than the Anglo film they would claim - Los Angeles (instead of London) and Valentine's Day (instead of Christmas).

But it just doesn't work and only underlines how subtle and clever was the original version. There are just too many relationships going on with too much confusion in the tales and, above all, a really weak and saccharine script from Katherine Fugate.

The best performance comes from Anne Hathaway but, if you just want to spot the stars, there's plenty on show including Ashton Kutcher and Jamie Foxx, Julia Roberts and Jennifer Gardner, Hector Elizondo and Shirley MacLaine. That's right, someone for guys and gals, young and old, white and ethnic, straight and gay. Except for a couple of nice little twists at the end, it is all so formulaic and predictable - and a little moralistic.

On the Valentine's Day in Los Angeles, the lives of several dwellers are entwined and affected somehow by love. The florist and owner of the Siena Bouquet Reed Bennett (Ashton Kutcher) proposes his insecure girlfriend Morley Clarkson (Jessica Alba) that says yes to him. His best friend Julia Fitzpatrick (Jennifer Garner) is in love with Dr. Harrison Copeland (Patrick Dempsey), but she does not know that he is married and celebrating his fifteenth wedding anniversary with his wife Pamela Copeland (Katherine LaNasa). The bitter TV sports reporter Kelvin Moore (Jamie Foxx) is assigned by his boss to cover stories of people in love in LA. The phone sex entertainer Liz (Anne Hathaway) hides her profession from her boyfriend Jason (Topher Grace). The grandson of the couple Edgar (Hector Elizondo) and Estelle (Shirley MacLaine), Edison (Bryce Robinson), has a secret unrequited love at school while his grandparents are facing a crisis in their marriage. The executive Holden Wilson (Bradley Cooper) befriends Captain Kate Hazeltine (Julia Roberts) that is eleven months away from home in the fourteen-hour flight back to LA. The contract of the veteran quarterback Sean Jackson (Eric Dane) is not renewed by his team and he schedules an interview to the press with his neurotic publisher Kara Monahan (Jessica Biel) that hates Valentine's Day. The teenagers Alex (Carter Jenkins) and Grace (Emma Roberts) are planning to have sex for the first time. The cheerleader Felicia (Taylor Swift) is in deep love with her boyfriend, the athlete Willy (Taylor Lautner). In the end of the day, revelations will fortify or end loves.

"Valentine's Day" is a sweet movie of director Gary Marshall with a constellation of stars in the cast. The concise screenplay succeeds in developing characters and entwined stories along 125 minutes running time. There are some excellent lines, with jokes (Taylor Lautner telling that he feels uncomfortable taking his shirt off in public is hilarious) and surprises (the revelation of Holden and Kate loves are among the best). I was surprised with the bad reviews in IMDb. My vote is seven.

Title (Brazil): "Idas e Vindas do Amor" ("Comings and Goings of the Love")

Did you read that cast list? Gives the term 'star-studded' a new meaning. Imagine what kind of film you could make with all that talent. Well, Valentine's Day is not that film. Far from it in fact. This who's who of a cast hampers any chance of real emotion due to the need to share screen time among them all. When you start getting interested in a character you'll most likely not see them again for another 45 minutes, pretty annoying when there are so few likable characters in the first place.

What is perhaps the scariest is that despite a plethora of plots, subplots and sub-subplots – all intertwining somehow – there isn't a shred of originality. Sure, you might be surprised who Bradley Cooper hooks up with at the end, but one small unforeseen twist barely counts. Bulge and fluff replace characterization and narrative development whilst the corny dialogue comes off as cutesy more than cute. It all goes back to the bloated cast: with over 20 stars that need their quota of jokes, sobs and happy endings filled, it's majorly difficult to dedicate any real time to exploring the unique intricacies of love and loss. See the far superior Love Actually for how it's done.

Saving it from complete dreadfulness is a handful of these big names – probably not the ones you would suspect – who manage to squeeze a laugh from their one-dimensional roles. The two Taylor's, Lautner and Swift, play their love-struck high school couple with a cheerful amount of tongue-in-cheek; Kutcher proves his charisma can go a long way as a heartbroken florist; and Cooper and Roberts (Julia, that is) are intriguing as plane passengers who don't know each other. Biel should hang her head in shame though, her standout woeful performance surely an early front runner for this year's Razzies.

Save your money and revisit its British counterpart on DVD instead.

1.5 out of 5 (1 - Rubbish, 2 - Ordinary, 3 - Good, 4 - Excellent, 5 - Classic)

In the Los Angeles area, a multitude of people (all played by big names) have their lives intersect on Valentine's Day. A soldier, a football player, high school kids, a teacher, a florist and a doctor... among others. From daybreak to sundown, we follow each of them on their misadventures.

This film is getting trashed in the reviews with critics taking a collective dump on this film's face. But, you know what, I loved it. A film from the director of "Beaches" and "Pretty Woman" (Garry Marshall), with Julia Roberts and Ashton Kutcher... it should be crap. Especially since it's a romantic comedy. But this one is legitimately funny, and both Kutcher and Roberts give great performances. Even Topher Grace gives his best job yet.

You have to understand that this film is a romantic comedy, and as such isn't going to be as deep as other films. But it's very sweet, and well-written. It has been compared (rightly) to "Love Actually", but this is a strong film on its own. The way all the plots criss-cross and end up paying off so perfectly, it recalls the glory years of the 1980s, where so much could happen in one day. And there's a dance sequence towards the end! Taylor Swift has received a lot of criticism for her acting in this one. And I'm not a fan of Swift, but I have to defend her. She was playing a dumb blond and came across as a dumb blond. Some of her scenes were the funniest in the picture. If people missed that, they missed a lot. Is she a bad actress? Maybe. I don't know... but I do know she worked out well here and left a memorable impression.

Ebert, among others, slammed this film, and went so far as to say if your date likes this film, don't continue dating them. Boy, do I strongly disagree. The theater seemed to enjoy this on, and I cannot blame any girl (or guy) for thinking this a fun film. Sure, it's not high art... but it's fun and fluffy in the best way.

You don't know what awful is until you've seen this film. I wasn't looking for a profound commentary on the human experience - I watched "Valentine's Day" expecting 100 minutes worth of harmless and fun escapism. To say that I was disappointed is a bit of an understatement.

To begin with, the film is WAY too long - or perhaps it just seems like an eternity. Minute after minute, it is sickeningly sappy and sweet, without any depth of character or plot to justify its duration. The acting is for the most part atrocious - or, at best, mediocre. Taylor Swift, in a nightmarish "comic relief" role, and the annoying little boy, in particular, stand out as paragons of annoying incompetence. However, the writing is so awful, even the greatest of thespians could not make this movie bearable. I honestly felt rather embarrassed for the actors, most of whom I'm sure are quite capable if given a half-decent script. Perhaps worst of all, "Valentine's Day" acts like it is an eye-opening and touching study of human relationships, while it's really drivel.

If there's anything I'd like the reader to learn from this review it's to avoid this film at all costs. It isn't good, it isn't even so-bad-it's-good - it's just plain dreadful.