Dave Franco credited as playing...
Greg the Soccer Player
- Seth: Hey Greg, why don't you go piss your pants?
- Greg the Soccer Player: [turning around] That was like 8 years ago, asshole!
- Seth: [yelling] People don't forget!
- Gym Teacher: Evan, get into the game.
- Evan: Kick it over... to me.
- Gym Teacher: Seth, get off the field!
- Evan: Dude, get out of here. There gonna make me run laps again.
- Seth: Dude, just fuckin' listen ok. Jules and her stupid fuckin' friend came up to me and they ask me to buy her alcohol. But not just her, for her whole party. You know what that means? By some divine miracle we were paired up and she actually thought of me. Thought of me enough to decide that I was the guy she would trust with the whole funness of her party. She wants to fuck me, she wants my dick in and around her mouth.
- Evan: Did you ever think that she's just using you to get her alcohol? She doesn't want your dick?
- Seth: No, she's got an older brother and she could've asked him but she asked me. She looked me in the eyes and said 'Seth, Momma's making a pubi salad and I need some Seth's Own dressing.' She's D.T.F. - down to fuck man. P and Vagi, she wants to
- [kicks soccer ball]
- Seth: fuck man! Tonight is a night that fucking is an actual possibility.
- Evan: You just sound like an idiot, you're not gonna be able to sleep with her man.
- Seth: No... dude, I don't want to talk a lot of shit OK. But she's gonna be at the party, and she's gonna be drunk, and she likes me at least a little, enough to get with me. At the very least I'll make out with her, two weeks hand job, month blow job, whatever whatever. And then, I make her my girlfriend. And I've got like two solid months of sex. By the time college rolls around I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding vaj.
- Evan: K can you just get out of hear and we'll talk about this later?
- Greg the Soccer Player: What the fuck Evan we're down two points!
- Evan: Fuckin' calm down Greg, it's soccer, it's soccer.
- Greg the Soccer Player: Fuck you man.
- Seth: Hey Greg, why don't you go piss your pants again?
- Greg the Soccer Player: That was like eight years ago asshole.
- Seth: People don't forget.
- [turning back to Evan]
- Seth: You wanna hear the best part? Becka! You do the same thing with her. When you guys are shit faced at the party, you get with her. This is our last party as highschool people. I fully ignored my hatred for Becka in coming up with this plan.
- Evan: I should buy Becka alcohol?
- Evan: Yeah, man that will be pimp! That way you know she'll be drunk. You know when you hear girls saying like 'ahh I was so shit faced last night I shouldn't have fucked that guy,' we could be that mistake!
- Evan: Have you talked to Fogell?
- Seth: Alright, you talk to Becka. I'll talk to that retard Fogell. Don't worry.
- Gym Teacher: [Blows whistle] Seth, get off the field!
- Seth: [Kicks soccer ball into the stands] Goal!
- Gym Teacher: You're getting that!
- Seth: No I'm not.