Destination: Infestation

Dr. Carrie Ross (Jessalyn Gilsig) is an entomologist on vacation with her daughter. They board a plane in Barranquilla, Columbia on the way to Miami. In the air, a passenger dies with bullet ants crawling out. Sky Marshal Ethan Hart (Antonio Sabato Jr.) takes charge with Ross's help. The ants start eating into the machinery and the plane is refused landing permission.

This came one year after the superior camp "Snakes on a Plane". My guess is that this was rushed into production to take advantage. The difference is that this isn't funny, or at least not intentionally funny. The story is kinda stupid in a million different ways. I hesitate to see anything with Antonio Sabato Jr. I do like Jessalyn Gilsig but she can't save this flight. It's on a crash course and Samuel L. Jackson is not coming to the rescue.

This movie is stupid in countless ways, but I'll focus on only one. The killer ant-infested plane was flying at 35,000 feet, where it is very cold. Insects are cold-blooded animals and cannot function effectively below room temperature. Whatever threat the ants presented could have been easily neutralized (at the penalty of some passenger discomfort) by turning off the heat in the aircraft and if necessary, ventilating in outside air. Evidently the basic physiology of insects never occurred to the writers, because early in the story the ants flee to the luggage hold, where they would instantly have been immobilized by the cold.

This may not matter to disaster movie fans who love stereotypical disaster movie plots and characters, but folks who desire a modicum of believability will be disappointed to say the least.

Oh, my gawd what a bad movie. How Antonio Sabato Jr. has fallen. And of course Jessalyn Gilsig was never any good. But this movie? LOL! It isn't even so bad it's good. I started fast-forwarding through it and the 90 minutes still seemed like forever! There was at least a half-hour of stock footage and ants climbing around on writing and lots of bad specials. Terrible! Funny it was so bad instead of fun. Avoid at all costs! Even when it's free!

As the movie progresses the plot holes get bigger and bigger. just trying to discover them all just becomes funny. I can't give any away because those would be big spoilers but let's say the film could have ended in 10 minutes if it adhered to real life. If I ever need a drinking game I'll be renting this movie and we'll have fun trying to discover all plot holes. It's a guarantee you'll be drunk way before the credits. I laughed my ass off (so that isn't good for a movie which isn't supposed to be a comedy.)And then there are unintentional movie references like the villain that seems to be from a Bond flick. The "I'm no flight engineer" seems like an unintentional reference to Bones from Star Trek.

An ensemble cast of characters board a plane in Columbia and try to go the United States not realising that one of them is a host to bullets ants . " What are bullet ants " I hear you ask . Apparently they're ants that have a sting so painful it's like being hit by a bullet and the pain lasts for 24 hours . I looked them up on the Wikipedia and this is correct . So correct in fact that the line of dialogue explaining what they are has been culled from the wiki word for word . The ensemble characters are a nondescript bunch with all the depth of a dried up puddle . You know the characters , female doctor who is a single mom to a cute kid , a couple of drunken college boys , selfish cowardly male and black air stewardess . No reason for her to be black except to hint the producers really wanted to get Pam Grier or Halle Berry in the role . One black character that is missing is funky black dude played by Samuel L Jackson but that might make you think you're watching ANTS ON A PLANE and this is a totally original movie not influenced in anyway with a film that came out the previous year so we won't be getting any dialogue like " We got mother effing ants on this mother effing plane " . No siree , we won't get reminded of other films and we won't be getting the F word and we won't getting to hear the word " About " either because most the cast are Canadians because it's so cheap to film there . By the way it's interesting the way internal continuity is changed where it suits the story . Despite being told that these are according to Wikipedia " bullet ants " feared for their painful debilitating sting they're mutated bullet ants which means if a likable character gets attacked by swarming ants their stings have little effect while if they attack an unlikable character they suffer an agonising death . Since when did ants become a good judge of character ?