Rainn Wilson credited as playing...
Dwight Schrute
- [Michael is on the roof and Dwight is below with a bullhorn]
- Michael Scott: My life! Oh, my life!
- Dwight Schrute: Michael, what's wrong?
- Michael Scott: Everything's wrong. The stress of my modern office has caused me to go into a depression!
- Dwight Schrute: Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling "bummed out"?
- Michael Scott: Dwight, you ignorant slut! Depression is a very serious illness. Over 32,000 people commit suicide every year according to a 2004 study.
- Dwight Schrute: Is that the last year the data was available?
- Michael Scott: Yes.
- Dwight Schrute: Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned?
- Jim Halpert: Andy, Dwight says welcome back and that he could use a hug.
- Dwight Schrute: Okay. Tell him that that's not true.
- Jim Halpert: Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks.
- Dwight Schrute: Okay, no, Jim.
- Andy Bernard: [chuckles] You guys.
- Dwight Schrute: Tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim, tell him!
- [Andy walks away to his desk]
- Jim Halpert: Andy... No, it's too far.
- Dwight Schrute: [pause] Damn you.
- Dwight Schrute: Hey! Guys, listen up, Michael is up on the roof and acting strange.
- Andy Bernard: Whoa! What's the situation?
- Dwight Schrute: Un-shun. I think he's suffering from depression. Re-shun.
- Andy Bernard: Okay, when's the shunning thing going to end?
- Dwight Schrute: Un-shun. Never. Re-shun. I think he wants you all to come out to the parking lot and watch him *die*.
- Stanley Hudson: Is it nice outside?
- Dwight Schrute: It's gorgeous. Let's go!
- Stanley Hudson: Do I need my jacket?
- Dwight Schrute: No, it really is. It's very nice. Come on!
- Ryan Howard: Will I be too warm in a long-sleeve tee?
- Dwight Schrute: Everyone's going to be fine in exactly what they're wearing! Let's go!
- Michael Scott: [after bouncing a watermelon onto a car by accident] Whoa, whoa, whoa! Deactivate the car alarm, clean up the mess.
- Dwight Schrute: Okay.
- Michael Scott: Find out whose car that is. If it's Stanley's, call the offices of James P. Albini, see if he handles hate crimes.
- Dwight Schrute: Yes. I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.
- Michael Scott: [comparing the warehouses's safety training to theirs] They used props, they used visual aids and they just made us look like dopes.
- Dwight Schrute: Idiots! God, what are we going to *do*?
- Michael Scott: I don't know. I don't know. Because you know what our killer is?
- Michael Scott: [simultaneously] Depression.
- Dwight Schrute: [simultaneously] Wolves.
- Michael Scott: [pause] Depression.
- Dwight Schrute: Visual aids?
- Michael Scott: Yes.
- Dwight Schrute: A quilt. A depression quilt?
- Dwight Schrute: [about Michael jumping off the roof onto a bouncy castle] When you land, try and land like an eight-year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults.