Donald Faison credited as playing...
Dr. Christopher Turk
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [after Kelso suggests J.D. is sad about Elliot's engagement] Can you believe him?
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Well, you and Elliot did go through a lot.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: You two have been on and off again more than Ross and Rachel from Friends.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Please, I am nothing like Ross.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Of course not. You're Rachel; she's Ross.
- Melody O'Harra: Well... it's official: I am the only single sorority sister left. I guess it's true what they say: first one to be in a threesome, last one to get married.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Damn!
- [beats one hand over the table where Doug is sitting at, pouring Doug's coffee over him]
- Dr. Christopher Turk: I'm sorry, she just said she was in a threesome.
- Dr. Doug Murphy: [having the same reaction as Turk's, and so forth] Damn!
- male nurse: Damn!
- surgeon: Damn!
- Snoop Dogg Resident: [out of frame] Damn!
- Melody O'Harra: I just don't want to end up like my aunt Sheila and get married and have a kid when I'm 50; I mean, you find a tooth in that house, you don't know whose mouth it fell out of.
- J.D.: Oh...
- Melody O'Harra: Sometimes I wonder, you know, if I'm ever actually going to find someone, you know?
- J.D.: Yeah... Now, was it two girls and a guy, or a devil's threesome?
- Melody O'Harra: All-girl.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: [as J.D. lifts coffee cups from the table, he beats both his hands on it] Damn! Sorry...
- Dr. Christopher Turk: [to JD's lookalike] Hey J.D., I was wondering if I could borrow your scooter, so I could run a few erran...
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [the real J.D. walks up behind Turk] He looks nothing like me! He doesn't even have any laughter in his eyes, like at all!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Well, I'm giving up on Melody.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Dude, no. Man, me? I'm married, so I may never, ever, EVER have sex again. You? There's still a chance for you. Damn it, if you're not going to do it for yourself, at least do it for me.
- Todd: And me.
- Dr. Doug Murphy: For all of us.
- [the other three look strangely at Doug]
- Dr. Doug Murphy: What? You guys are surprised I don't get any?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I'm tired of the cold showers.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: That was yesterday, when she was this confident, young hotel reviewer. Today she's a sad, vulnerable, last single woman standing. Now, are you going to create a wonderful memory and then secretly call me from the bathroom right after, or not?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Turk, you know I'd like to be the one making the secret bathroom call for once, but I'm not that desperate.